If Matt Lauer Won't Have Me, Brian Williams Will... Not, Either.

NBC Nightly News emailed me the other day.  Yeah, the one on TV.  The one with Brian Williams.  And, no, you smart-alecs, it was not a newsletter or some such spam.  A real live NBC Nightly News staffer emailed me personally.  For my opinion.  Or, as I like to think of it when one of The Big Three calls me:  my Oh-pin-eee-yawn.  Okay, clearly I've been watching far too much The King of Queens, one of the few DVD sets we own while we have no cable.

Speaking of no cable, someone get that hooked up ASAP because I am going to be on TV!

I immediately pictured this: Brian Williams:  Tonight on NBC Nightly News, I fall in love with Megan Jordan and steal her away from Matt Lauer.

Let the Velveteen Mind love fest begin!

And may I say that it is about time that NBC noticed me?  I've been writing about Matt Lauer ever since my guest post on Plain Jane Mom, My Label Maker is Broken This Week.  In fact, it was that post that finally caught the attention of NBC News.  You know, this NBC:

Brian Williams:  So Barack, I'm thinking Megan's boobies would be about this big in person. 
What is your opinion on that matter?
Barack Obama:  You nasty, Brian.

The NBC News researcher found my "Label Maker" post while researching the topic of pollsters using labels such as "Soccer Mom" and "Security Mom" during this election.  Not the first time I have been hit up for an interview based on that guest post, mind you.  Naturally, I am the go-to blogger on the topic of politics.

Ahem.

Nevertheless, Erika Angulo had questions.  On behalf of NBC.  Which clearly means, on behalf of Matt Lauer.

Note to Erika, it's only going to get uglier from here.  I'm about to massacre our interview, so you might want to go back to work for Brian Williams right about now.  Tell him I said, "Holla!"

The brilliantly patient Erika, who had no idea of the long-winded answers she was about to receive, wanted to know if I felt labels such as "Wal-Mart Mom" are necessary to describe certain groups of voters.  Additionally, what are the main issues for mothers during this election and do I feel that John McCain, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton are doing a satisfactory job of addressing those issues?

The Queen of Spain is now spitting out her coffee and yelling, "Why on earth would you ask Megan, of all people?!" 
Shut up, Erin.  I am wicked smaht.

In response to Erika's questions, clearly on behalf of Brian Williams himself, I expounded as such:

"I think that our current Presidential candidates are, in fact, too concerned about what specific groups want to hear.  Hence, the mad grasping at labels so they can get a jump on what they expect to hear.   So, do I think that they are doing a good job of addressing issues of mothers today?  Yes, and I wish they'd stop.

Catering to our "interests" may be just what has helped to create the entitlement society in which we are currently living, in my humble opinion.  (You are laughing, right?)"

I wasn't sure if I had answered her question, so I went on to further not answer her question by offering my opinions about how complex mothers are today (which I will illustrate with a photo of me standing in front of ABC Studios in New York, demonstrating my opinion of Good Morning America vs. The TODAY Show on NBC):

"Many of us are struggling with rather disparate opinions when it comes to our current political environment.  Not to mention the financial environment.  What we want and need for our families may be contradictory at some point, so that leaves us grasping at three tremulous candidates.  All of which are walking on politically correct eggshells and offering very little real hope.

Can you care about gas prices but also capitalism?  Can you pay to drive your kids to soccer practice, frowning at the havoc it is wreaking on your budget, while you or your husband is earning the money for that gas by working at "The Better Mousetrap Company"?"

I think at this point, Erika was saying to herself, "Did she just answer my question?  Did she read my question?  Does she think this is a blog post?  She had better not try to turn this into a blog post."

She responded to my email with something along the lines of how my opinion was "refreshing," which I think means "completely irrelevant and uninformed" in reporter-speak.  She then went on to ask my opinion of whether or not the government should pay for child care and if employers should implement mandatory work schedules to enforce a work-life balance for mothers.

Asking a stay-at-home mother about working mothers' rights is sort of like asking a frog if birds should be allowed to fly at night. 

But I answered her anyway.  I had to answer her, because I was picturing this:

Brian Williams to Brian Williams:  I never knew such a brilliant mind existed out there.  And to think I can read Velveteen Mind any time I want.  Now, do I pronounce this political goddess's name "Meeegan" or "Meg-an"?

I would hate to deprive Brian Williams, and by extension Matt Lauer, of my profound opinions on things I have no business talking about...  or pretty much thinking about ever.

So I responded to Erika's questions about working mothers' rights with something along the lines of, "Where does it end in regards to who picks up what part of the bill?" and "Exactly when did our responsibility to make well-informed choices as parents end?  When were we granted the freedom to stop making the hard decisions, because I seem to have missed that memo?" 

Oh yeah,  and something very much like, "I don't want a SugarDaddy-in-Chief."

Then Erika emailed me back with something like, "Huh?"

And then she dropped the bomb on me:

"The story should be on msnbc.com this weekend."

What?  I thought I was going to be on TV?!  MSNBC dawt calm?!!!  That's for losers that don't have cable!

Um, apparently while I was distractedly dazzled by the photo of Brian Williams at the top of the website she sent me to in her first email, I failed to notice she had sent me to the "web exclusive" section. 

Note to NBC:  your staffers should not be allowed to send interviewees to sites with photos of people that even know Matt Lauer if they are not, in fact, going to be seduced interviewed by said person and broadcast out for all the world to see on television...  with flashing signs illuminating their cool blog's URL and such, too.  FYI.

So, I remain this close to meeting Matt Lauer:

So close, yet so far away.

And the interview consigned to msnbc.com?  It showed up on the front page that weekend, as promised, and lots and lots of people got to read all of my erudite opinions on political pollsters and the distinct lack of a need for a SugarDaddy-in-Chief.

Wait.  Damn.  No, they didn't.  My bit was cut down to a couple of lame soundbites that Goose, my one year old, could have given.  I have no idea why they cut out my comedy routine.

I'm here all week, folks.

PS-  NBC the television network: 

I am available to fly (at your cost) to New York and appear on the TODAY Show or NBC Nightly News or any of your other shows that are housed in the vicinity of Matt Lauer's dressing room any time.  I even know where to find you, though a limo to Rockefeller Plaza would not be turned down.

PPS-  I know I told you there was going to be some "tongue" involved in this post, but the photo of me, well, sort of licking Matt Lauer has been compromised.  Don't be too disappointed, though, because his face may or may not have been made of cardboard.

PPPS-  NBC also interviewed Erika Jurney from Plain Jane Mom for the same piece and she came off sounding smart.  Whatever.  When she starts seeing bumper stickers that say "SugarDaddy-in-Chief" she'll be jealous.

************

Related Posts:

What's Important This Election, Mom? by Erika Angulo on msnbc.com

Phrase Anatomy:  Who will be the "Soccer Moms" of 2008 Campaign? by Jennifer A. Dlouhy, Hearst Newspapers

I Am Your Very Own Dichotomy.

Who's Afraid of the Queen of Spain?

My Label Maker is Broken This Week.  guest post on Plain Jane Mom

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Comments

[Robin]

OH-MY-EVER-LOVIN'-WORD!!!

(Crap...blog-gush alert...I really hate it when I ingratiate myself like this...and yet, oddly, that's not stopping me...!)

I love you and think you're wicked smaht and delectably hilarious and I'm trying to remember why I got slack on reading you (could it be too *&%#$ blogs in my reader??) and if I WEREN'T happily married and WAS inclined to bat for the home team, I'd want to be your gf.

(This comment will scare the NBC Heads, so I'll try to reel it in...sorry!)

If this post doesn't get you ah-tent-sheee-own from Matt & Brian and TV execs with jets, they're crazy (yeah, I **heart** Doug Heffernan, too). If 1/10 of Megan-the-blogger translates to Megan-live-and-in-person? The ratings would soar off the charts.

Bonafide hilarity. You win the prize.

[Angella]

Oh, girl. If they don't call you after this post, they are CRAZY.

Crazier than you, that is ;)

[Fitarella]

I've spewed my coffee all over my desk, have runny snot dripping in to my mouth AND I peed my pants getting through this post, and there's NO freakin tongue action??!!!

TEASE!!!!

Ps. My business cards read "SugarMama-in-Chief"

[Miss Britt]

Oh my God. I am dying here. This was comedic brilliance from beginning to end.

[Tempered Woman]

First of all~ you are full of shizzo. Your sound bite was just as smart-ish as the others. It was def just a bite tho. Which is a bummer. Cause I think they could have given this topic a lot more attention. The article took all of 5 minutes to read. WTH??
I'm so with you sistah~ we want so many damn handouts it seems I just keep wondering who is going to pay for all of this? Where is the breaking point when it isn't worth it to work anymore? Since when did we become a country of working hard to achieve something to a country of entitlement? If we aren't personally responsible for our success, how can we be proud of who we are??
I'm in marketing, so I get the labels. But this election year has gotten out of control. They totally missed your point. It's not that labels are or are not valid~ it's about focusing on the lables rather than the issues. I don't need you to dumb down politics for me journalists. I don't give a crap about stupid things people said 5 years ago. I want to know what you plan to do about XYZ, what is your strategy, your goals for office, what is important to you and how do you plan to make that happen?!?! Wouldn't it be nice if they actually focused on real issues in the debates, such a shocking idea...

[Erika Jurney]

I'm jealous already, girl ;)

[queenofspain erin]

Oh FINE! And I'm sure you will sound brilliant, even in sound bites.

Not to be outdone I went and chatted with Obama. http://tinyurl.com/6q7epq

:P

[Megan@SortaCrunchy]

You are so totally wicked smaht (and all the smahter for loving king of queens).

I wish they would have included more of you in the article, but what they did put was quite telling.

You know what's going to happen now, don't you? They'll fly you to NYC alright, and when you sit down for your Today show moment, it twill not be your beloved Matt sitting down with you. It'll be Meredith. You know, because she's a regular mom and all, just like you.

I remain, as always, in constant awe of your humor and cleverness,
(just another) Megan

[Heather]

I touched Matt Lauer once. He walked by me and, before I knew what was happening, I stuck my hand out and touched his elbow. He looked back over his shoulder at me, and our eyes met. Fireworks, baby.

I'll let you touch my hand at BlogHer.

[MammaLoves]

That was so worth interrupting our chat for.

And I can say I knew you when Matt and Brian were just a fantasy.

[MommyTime]

NBC will surely be calling any minute now. And if they don't, then they are loony toons. Also, I read that article, and you don't sound bad, just excerpted. Which is annoying, I know, but it doesn't make you seem stupid; it merely makes you seem edited.

PS. Robin, wanna start a fan club with me? :)

[rachel]

I adore you. :-) This was brilliant and funny and perfectly you.
They're silly not to have you on :-)

[Mr Lady]

That is, by far, the funniest stalker story I have ever read. Word up!

[Ken]

Too funny. If I knew Matt, I'd hook you up.

[Queen of Shake-Shake]

Holy Cow! That is SO cool! Isn't it?

Let me tell you, I thought I had deep thoughts. I thought you and I could get together and par a little, slap each other upside the head with our psychology degrees.

But clearly you would kick my ass because I was also "huh?" to some of your answers.

I bow to your deepness.

I'd like your opinion on this. Is there still hope for me and Mike Rowe? Because I'd given up talking about it, yet have recently felt the nudge to bring him up again. Opinion?

[Deb (Missives From Suburbia)]

I don't mean to brag and all, but you know, I did the Today Show last year. (http://missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com/2007/10/in-case-you-missed-it.html) It's passe now. I think you need to aim for Oprah, since I haven't conquered that stage yet. ;)

Now, I didn't meet Matt. I met his assistant, though, and she gave us a little dirt. But I comfort myself with the knowledge that even Dooce didn't meet Matt, and I didn't have to suffer with Kathy Lee, so that's a plus.

[Deb (Missives From Suburbia)]

Oh, and P.S. They'd be idiots not to have you on Nightly News to host the first presidential debates. Wouldn't THAT rock?

[BOSSY]

Bossy loves you so much she's not sure if it's legal.

[Anna at Hank & Willie]

I am ALSO spitting my coffee everywhere. Why have they not just skipped the interview crap and just MADE YOU COHOST?

[Christine]

I love how you think.

Wasn't it Lenin who said something to the effect of, "The demise of democracy will be when people realize they can vote themselves money?"

Methinks he might have been right.

[Dorothy Stahlnecker]

This is so good...my money is on you..they will be calling..that is if they know whats good for their show.

Good luck..

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
www.grammology.com

[JIllian]

OHMYGOD! You cracked me up with the boobies, and you, obviously, are wicked smaht too. Awwwww, sad that I'm leaving, and maybe we won't to be able to get tother.
Jillian<---- Making very sad puppy dog eyes at megan

[Jennifer]

Holy hell that was one of the funniest damn things I ever read. Congrats on getting on TV with Matt Lauer!

Oh wait, you were just linked on MSNBC.com. At least they linked you.

[Diana]

Laughing. Outloud. At work.

I'm so fired. Thanks a lot! ;-)

[Jenny]

I'm a couple days behind but just had to Digg and kirtsy this because OHMYGAH. so. funny.

And SO true.

You are my hero.

[rachel]

I have something for you. Should you find the time to grace my blog with your presence, you shall find it there.

[coolwebmom]

Well, while Brian Williams and Matt Lauer were fighting over you - I was flirting with NBC Ned Colt and WNBC Rob Morrison...(sigh) what a network. NBC.

[Greta]

You are TOTALLY wicked smaht.

[indy]

I had heard you were really funny to read but this post confirms it. This is my first time on your blog. Loved it. Cracking me up here.I can't wait to come back.

[mothergoosemouse]

Can I come sit in the audience and applaud? Oh, and I wouldn't turn down first-class airfare and a limo either.

[Stefanie]

I like Matt Lauer myself. He's really nice and a great kisser too! Mmmmm...defintely a better kisser than Brian Williams but Brian forces more tongue. What does that have to do with politics you ask? Everything, my friend, everything.

[Manager Mom]

OK - just stumbled on your site by way of Bossy's blogroll, and holy hell am I glad to be here. Your post gave me some good laughs.

Although I don't personally embrace the Matt Lauerness I have similar feelings for Keanu Reeves and once got some strange looks for fondling a cardboard cutout of him as Neo in The Matrix after a matinee. But I digress.

My point, if I can go ahead and pretend i had one, is that I am a working mom with hundreds of ill-informed opinions. So if you need a counterpoint to provide some quotes that make you seem coherent by comparison, send 'em my way.

I'll be back!

[coolwebmom]

I feel the same way about Keanu, I saw the Matrix 5 times in theaters to look at him. But I also love Matt Lauer. I was making a photo slideshow of him for no reason or purpose and eventually found no place to put him in the blog. But Ill find a way.