Mommybloggers, Business, and why Parents Magazine hasn't hired me. Yet.

I had a dream the other night that I've been meaning to tell you about.  I was in college and Matt Lauer was my biology teacher, but he was not-so-secretly in love with me.

Wait.  Crap.  That wasn't the dream I wanted to tell you about.  Le sigh.

Okay, so the dream was one of those from which all I remembered when I woke up was one detail and the feeling with which it left me.  That one detail?

I had a writing studio in my backyard.

When I woke up, I could still see the way the light filtered in through the windows of my own private writing studio.  I could smell the cool air and wave my hand through the dust motes that drifted through those shafts of light falling on my keyboard.  I think I had a laptop.  I bet it was a Mac.  It was a dream, after all.

The walls were covered in framed photographs which were themselves covered in hastily scribbled notes of story ideas.  An old coffee cup full of cheap fountain pens and novelty pencils sat on a stack of books on my ancient desk.  These books were the current research selections taken from the crammed-full bookcases lining the room.

My hair was tied up in the best top knot I've ever managed without pulling the hairs out of my skull and I was wearing my favorite writing-sweater.  I pulled it close around me as I brainstormed, gazing out at heavily bloom-laden hydrangea bushes in the shaded little grove of trees outside my desk window.

I feel drunk just remembering these details.

The only part of this dream that is real is that writing-sweater.  I've had a designated writing-sweater ever since I read Michael Chabon's Wonder Boys.  The narrator, Grady Tripp, was a professor and seemingly-blocked writer.  He wore a pink bathrobe while he wrote.  Since then, I have had a succession of writing-sweaters, mostly cardigans, though that sounds utterly Mister Rogers (seriously le sigh, again).  Think more tattered, old and funky, and less perfectly pressed.

So I admit it:  I want to be a writer.  A real writer.  A magazine writer.

If blogging were just a hobby, I wouldn't be dreaming of personal writing studios.

This is not the first time I have admitted this to you, but it came up again yesterday in a conversation with a friend when she asked, "Why did you return to blogging?"

I would love to say "because I missed the community" and some other really generous things like that, but the truth is that I missed the writing.  Quite frankly, the "community" and all of the politics that come with that package begin to grate on me after a while. 

Don't they just wear you out sometimes?

Yet, it is a package, and a powerfully seductive one at that.  More bloggers have been discussing the "business of mommyblogging" lately and I find the discussion fascinating.  What began as a hobby for so many of us has become, quite frankly, a business.  All of the sudden, we are finding ourselves concerned with branding, marketing, promotion, and managing PR inquiries. 

Big business is knocking at the door of the mommyblogger.  Some are welcoming them in for a glass of sweet tea and cookies.  Some are pretending they are not home.

Open Scene:  Megan's Front Door

Corporate Type:  knock knock knock
Megan:  Hang on!  I'll be right there!
Corporate Rep:  You said that last time.
Megan:  I know, I know.  But I'm washing my hair right now.
Corporate Stooge:  Look, we can't keep waiting.
Megan:  You look, I'm actually plucking wiry black hairs from my chin.  Don't go anywhere.
Corporate Hack:  You are just embarrassing yourself now.  Open the door or we're Audi 5000.  (they all talk in outdated slang)
Megan:  Seriously, if you don't pop a squat on the stoop, I'm going to Twitter about you hassling me.
Corporate Lackey:  Please, no, don't Twitter-trash us!  We'll wait, we'll wait.  We want Twitter-props.  Don't jump the gun here.
Megan:  maniacally laughing, having wielded the connected-mommyblogger social-media power that corporations both covet and fear

Corporations are noticing mommybloggers and they are placing a tall order with us.  They want virtually free publicity and an infinite reach.  They want to get into our minds, but once they are in there, they too often try to tell us what to think and how to write it.

They recognize the opportunity that is working with mommybloggers to promote their products and services, but they keep stumbling on their own two left feet.

We are primed for something to work with corporations and we are ready to share the good news.  We like talking about the people and products that we respect and enjoy.  It's natural for us.  It's easy.  It is, dare I admit, fun.

Look at this option-progression of how easily a Wordless Wednesday post could go, effortlessly sharing a bit of our lives and a bit of recommended-product placement:

My Every Morning:  Still Life or My Every Morning:  Still Life.

or My Every Morning:  Still Life.

I use Splenda every day.  I give my kids Flintstone's Vitamins every day.  I believe in both of those products and would be willing to recommend them to my readers.  The opportunity is there, but what do we do with it?  Where do we go, without feeling like sell-outs, without being taken advantage of, and all the while still utilizing a platform that allows us to be ourselves and help contribute to our family finances?

*BTW, you can buy that mug from IzzyMom.  Ah, the irony.

So, you see, I want to answer the knock of business at my door.  But I'm just not ready, yet.  I still have some wiry black chin hairs to pluck.  Or maybe I am ready, chin-bangs and all.

The problem is that what I really want involves the risk of rejection.

Allow me to share with you my rejection score-card, so far:

Magazine        # of Queries Sent    # of Rejections Received

Parents                        0                                        0

Wondertime             0                                        0

Parenting                   0                                        0

Notice how I have managed to remain rejection-proof?  Nice how it works out that if you don't actually put yourself out there, no one can reject your work.

I do take steps toward taking it seriously, such as publishing my real name, but then I back off.  This has to change.  I need to give these companies a chance to reject me.

I flirt with the platform that is mommyblogging, but I have yet to commit to my true desire, which is seeing my name in hard-copy.  Instead, I continue to experiment through the writer's version of playing house.   The fact that the business and corporate aspect is coming into play more and more in blogging is just further opportunity for me to hone my skills, explore the field.  Learn.

Don't get me wrong, I do love the community.  Some days.  Most days.  But I want more.  Do you?

If blogging is my springboard, I need to jump already.

What do you want from all of this?  What are you doing about it?  Are you satisfied?

I used to want a really cool alternative to keeping a baby book for my kids.  Now I want something for me, too.

************
Related Page re. all things Mommyblogging:
Mommybloggers:  The Resource

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Comments

[Rima]

Are you living inside my head, Megan?

You described it all so perfectly, everything from the reason why I started blogging to the as yet unscratched itch for more.

I'm currently blogging for a lot of reasons: the instant gratification of comments and feedback is incentive to keep writing, it is making me a better writer, I still enjoy the community, it's a chronicle of my family's life, and yet . . .

I want more.

[Stefania/CityMama]

Love. this. post.

You don't need any of those rags. Just keep blogging like this and people will find you. It's about the writing.

[Jungleswife]

Brilliantly written! I would have had the first comment, but I was busy being the first to "stumble" it. *hehe*

I've been writing in spiral notebooks all my life, so blogging - not writing - is new to me. I think it is a good place to start. Check out http://crazyauntpurl.com/ - I was reading her witty blog before she broke the news about her book deal. She isn't a mommy blogger, and neither am I, but still. (Not that my writing can hold a candle to either of yours.)

[Redneck Mommy]

I've been writing all my life. And dreaming of seeing my name on the dust jacket of a book for years.

But for now I am content just to spill the words out of me.

Mostly, because I fear rejection...

[MammaLoves]

Who said we were friends??

Terrific post.

Damn perfectionism!

[Mrs. Fussypants]

Dude, you said it all.

Hey, everyone that comments after me-

Stumble this on. We need more mommy blogging conversations going!!!!

OK, I'm done now.

[suburban oblivion]

Great post!

[tanyetta]

Don't give up if that's what you really!

[Annie]

I came in here yesterday to comment, but two little people and their antics kept me from doing it so here I am - one still asleep and the other in front of the box, for another try!

This was an interesting post - as was the first Queen of Spain's post that you linked.

From the marketers perspective, you can bet your ass corporations know exactly the potential for 'word of mouth' advertising they are accessing via mommy bloggers. They are seeking to lock in advocates, the most powerful form of 'advertising' there is. However, I would also suspect that since the utilization of social media is a relatively new advertising practice - there isn't a concrete feel for what constitutes a 'fair price' in terms of what their remuneration to any participating mommy blogger should be - if that is in terms of research feedback, or product recommendations. I would argue this is part of the issue - companies are feeling their way, and evidently some mommy bloggers aren't impressed.

Satisfied customers have always been a company's most powerful advocates - prior to the advent of social media, many real life conversations would have involved people endorsing particular products, recommending them because they liked them or they worked for them - there is no way to track this nor compensate anyone financially for this - yet companies definitely benefited from these conversations - does that mean a company should identify and compensate everyone who says something positive about their product or service?

I'm not sure I totally understand the stance being taken by 'mommy bloggers' against companies who want them to advocate for them. Is it simply more money? Is it recognition that a 'mommy blogger' is so much more than a mommy, and is an intelligent discerning consumer? Since the term 'business' is being bandied about so frequently in this discussion, and a business after all is about making money I suspect it's the former. As a reader then, in response to any satisfactory financial prompt from a company, mommy bloggers will be posting what, in my mind, essentially amounts to paid or sponsored posts. I don't have a problem with this, by all means - if you have a review blog do it there, but from a readers perspective - reading a big old post about a product amounts to nothing more interesting than an infomercial and I will click right out and find something more substantial to read.

As for your specific ambitions - to use your writing to make money - I agree with the previous poster - it's all about the writing and in my not so expert opinion, you have that part pretty much nailed - I also think you have enough feedback of that nature to bolster your resolve to make that pitch to whatever magazine takes your fancy. You have the most amazing role model right in your own home as an example of someone who didn't let rejection stop him and he kept on keeping on til he got what he needed! You can do the same thing.

[Joe]

Dad bloggers are getting hassled by lackeys as well. I keep getting folks asking me to help them promote there book and I don't know them from Adam. What's that about. You write very well and this is your second article/post in a row that I starred in my reader. Audi 5

[Christine @ Serenity How?]

Great post.

There's nothing wrong with doing it for you. I admit that the reason I write is simply because I want to. Then I have to convince myself that it's not selfish to want something for ME.

When it starts to feel like a "have to" I wish I could just walk away because my writing starts to sound like forced crap.

I hope you'll write what you want when you want. You're so good at it.

[JellyfishMama]

Parents has a blog called GoodyBlog. Maybe that is why they seem to be one of the corps that have it right. They open the communications up and listen.

Love your blog!

[bananas]

Great post, Megan. I too am going through a "I need to get my act together and DO something" trend. Playing house if fun and all but... it's playing. We need to get serious! :)

[Tiny]

Ha! I was just about to write what JellyfishMama said. I love Goody Blog and I love Parents Magazine for paying attention to us enough to listen to our opinions.

Hai, and you got an award today over at Fussypants! You are a BlogHer Hero!

[beerepartee]

Outstandingly well said.

I also read over at QofS's links. Well said, honest to blog.

[Tom]

Good Queen of Spain links. I remember when you wrote on her site, too. She can be hard core, but she was right about this.

BTW, do you always write about hydrangeas? xP

[Nell]

The fear of rejection can be paralyzing, but don't let it stop you from reach your goals. I finally worked up to sending my work out to a handful of publications a couple of weeks ago (with the encouragement of a good friend) and once I got the darn cover letter written, it was surprisingly easy just to drop them all in the mailbox. (I've used online submission systems before, but this felt better - more real somehow.)

For me, blogging is about something else, and even though part of me wants to agree with those who say that it's all about the writing and you should just keep blogging, I also know that the odds of someone running across my blog and being shocked and amazed and offering me a contract on the spot are minuscule. I also feel like my blog is a place where I can write without worrying about perfection. I mean, I spell check, and edit and all, I just don't obsess over stuff like I would if it was intended for publication, and the freedom that gives me is worth it.

[Aicram]

Jump! You have wings - you may drop a bit sometime, but then you will soar!

[Diana]

Get. Out. Of My. Head.

Seriously, my eyes are a little misty. My being inspired. Fantastic post. I've flirted with blogging for two years now. Just recently I finally made the biggest leap I was capable of at the time - putting my *real* name out there. My full real name. It was so scary at first but at the same time an amazing relief. Hopefully it won't take me two years to get up the guts to leap again.

[karla ~ looking towards heaven]

so well said.

I've never been a scrapbooker, but this is exactly what happened to that hobby. Suddenly, everyone was vying for the attention. It went from being a hobby to something every woman with a photo ans some paper wanted to become Queen of...

xo ~ k

[The Park Wife]

Great post.

I get torn also for many of the same reasons (fear of rejection mostly) but also the guilt of keeping my priorities in order. If I am a mommy blogger then the first thing I need to be succesful at is being a mommy. Some days I am so focused on home and family that my writing is not even adequate, it is rushed just to have something on my blog. I am not proud of that.

I also want to see my name in print, but I think I have to first be a better time organizer. Recommendations are welcomed.
The Park Wife

[Linda at 2nd Cup of Coffee]

You are not alone in your frustrations. And you are not alone in rejection-proofing yourself!

[Memarie Lane]

When I first started blogging I was thrilled when companies started to contact me, and I was all about finding good ad and affiliate programs. That got old fast. Now I am proudly ad-free, and only discuss products I've tried on my own and want to recommend for or against.

I remember once I got an email from a major magazine wanting me to plug them without any kind of compensation. That was the beginning of the end for me. Did they have so little respect for me that they wouldn't even offer a free back-issue in exchange for the service?

[Colleen]

Great discussion - I think you've captured the heart of the mommy blogger self-battle here. One small thing you may have not considered - a thought I anxiously brood over every day. There are those of us working mommies who think, "Hm. All these years I've been using my PR/Marketing/Web savvy to promote some other company. Why not promote myself instead?" and continuing from that thought..."Maybe then I might have more time with my kids!" But like you, I sit, not yet having taken these steps. Somehow, in my mind, rejection of self-promotion is far worse than rejection of a work related project.

[Megan@SortaCrunchy]

Hmmmm, it must be a sign that I am truly an unremarkable blogger. In all the years (two) that I have been blogging, I've yet to be hassled by anyone Corporate. But then again, I have taken a step away from trying to get myself out there. The ads and the promotion and counting click-throughs . . . it all feels like bondage to me. And I've got enough that workin' in life offline, thankya.

Anyway, I completely identify with what you are saying about the push and pull of wanting to write . . . as in, be a real writer. I feel compelled to write and blogging indulges me with an audience.

And oh yeah - your writing studio dream? I just wanna crawl inside and live there. Perfection.

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Great post Megan!

As far as answering your questions, all I'll say is I have a dirty secret I am taking to the grave.

[Dorothy Stahlnecker]

Because I'm 61 I've almost embarrassed to admit I've been journaling since 1973. I always loved to write...no formal education always found that writing was like a cleansing. Then in life becoming mom and grand mom there was always so much I wanted to share. My partner and I are committed to getting parents, children and grandparents talking again. We have much to offer. Whether its babysitting, or just listening when the kids or parents are down. There is a bunch of us who want to be there for the family. I do pray we get this message out and blogging gave us a way to tell the world we are here.

As I share information and receive comments back we pass it on to the readers. Grandparents, parents and kids..seem to understand we want to be considered part of the family. Use us and we love it...

Great questions....I will ponder more thoughts.

Glad to see your sparkle coming back...mine too...

My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
www.grammology.com

Of course, for me it gives me control (an extra bonus) on all the things I've ever wanted to say. I get to say them and its really

[Elizabeth...mommy...etc]

i'm a new reader...i'll be back

[Megan]

Rima- I am living inside your head. Hope you don't mind. And yes, the instant gratification is one of the best parts. Though, I sometimes think it's one of the worst parts when I'm hitting "refresh" on my inbox 19 times a day.

CityMama- It can't be said enough that it is about the writing. I need to write that over my computer. But then my mortgage company keeps saying it's about the money and I get confused.

Jungleswife- Thank you for the link. Such a great site! Taking notes furiously about how to get rich, er, publish a book. Wait, no, it's about the writing. Damn. This is hard. And I've been keeping journals for almost 20 years, so this was a natural next step, too.

[Megan]

Redneck Mommy- Fear of rejection coming from you is saying something. You are so primed for a book deal, woman. What are you doing about it?

MammaLoves- We are friends. Damn it. We are! Didn't you just read that bit about fear of rejection? Hello?

Mrs. Fussypants- Thank you for the Stumble! I loves me some Stumbling. And this time no one called me "utter trash" in the reviews. At least, not last time I checked. I'm not checking.

[Jenny, Bloggess]

Exactly the same way. I never put myself out there...never get rejected.

Then again, I don't think Parents Magazine would be able to print anything that I write.

There needs to be a Parents Magazine that lets you use the F word a lot.

[PunditMom]

This is a great post. As for the freelancing, I feel your pain. Really. I haven't written for any of those mags either -- yet! Shall we gang up on them?? ;)

[Jamie]

I think you should continue to follow your heart and blog here, but it sounds like you also have a strong desire to be published. There's something to be said about seeing your name in print.

I think there are a lot of frustrated writers out there, and the blog platform is an excellent way to get the creative juices flowing and to use it as a platform for other things.

Listen to what your heart is saying!

As far as companies trying to reach out to bloggers, I went to the Johnson & Johnson Camp Baby event and I really believe that many corporations see the mommy blogosphere as a gold mine because so many of us are already engaging in wonderful conversations with one another. They want to tap into that as a social media network, but they aren't sure how to do it. From a journalism/sociology nerd, it's going to be interesting to see how this all evolves.

[Mrs. Flinger]

OMG, YES!!! I totally TOTALLY get this. As in, I LIVE THIS. Have we made out yet? No? God, I swear, we're the same person. XO

[To Think Is To Create]

Well a couple other people said "get out of my head" or something similar, so I guess it'd be lame for me to repeat it. But SERIOUSLY.

There's something that spawns from this discussion, too, which is that a lot of people who are taking blogging seriously, as a business/brand/etc. are demonized as stat whores and not "true" writers. I've gotten a paid blogging gig and actually got published in a parenting magazine--all from my personal blog. It *is* all about the writing, but it's also about being a smart business person. The networking, the branding, the marketing, those things all matter, too. Not enough to lose sleep over, but enough to jump in and swim around and see what happens.

[Momo Fali]

Huh. It's amazing how you read my mind and all.

[The Mom Bomb]

I found your blog through Tempered Woman and now I'm convinced you're my long lost twin.

I totally relate about the writing, and encourage you to "get it out there" one way or another. I'm working on a middle grade novel now -- my second. The first got interest but never found a home. I almost didn't send it out b/c I so feared the rejection. The funny part? After the twentieth rejection letter you really don't care anymore.

Obviously you have talent, as well as a nice blog readership -- 99 percent of wannabe writers don't have that! So go for it, just keep sending stuff out until something sticks. Persistence is everything: Jonathan Kellerman wrote nine books before finally getting his tenth published.

BTW, I also have the evil goat-hairs on my chin.

[whitetrashmom]

If I can get a book deal, anyone can. My book is the same name as my blog, White Trash Mom. But reason I am telling you this is because your post struck a chord with me. I have a blog with tons of traffic and a book but I am so out of the radar with the "popular" girl blogger groups that many of them wouldn't walk across the street to pee on me if I was on fire. It's so weird. Seems like no matter where you go in life, there is a 7th grade girl clique. Sorry to whine, don't mean to. But this post hit me like a ton of bricks. Thanks.

[Working Dad]

VM, Great post. As bloggers continue to gain traction I think they will increasingly struggle with longstanding challanges of more mainstream journalism, corporate and PR etc...Rejection is part of the media biz, but I'd be shocked if you didn't quickly land a maagazine assignment.

[TLC]

I know this is an old post, but nothing is quite like flogging an ancient equine. I just wanted to say, I so identify with where you are! I even dream about my writing studio, and mostly, QUIET in which to write.

It is also my heart's desire to write, but I am so terrified of failure that I have not sent any queries, either.

I am content to sit on my blog and say woulda, coulda, shoulda as I "hone my craft" which really just means "stay in my safe zone."

As for my real name, I have it out there on the Internet, but because I have a teenage daughter that would be mortified if some of the stories came out publically, I choose to lie under the radar, at least for now. But I a changing that, slowly.

T.