This weekend we headed off to Mobile for the Festival of Flowers and a visit with Al's parents. I have set my heart on the lofty goal of starting a garden this weekend, so I thought a festival celebrating that goal would be the perfect encouragement. Although I didn't buy any plants, I did buy lots of garden decorations (read: more perceived "junk" to clutter up the house, as far as Al is concerned) and do feel rather inspired.
True inspiration was to be found, however, in a coffee date with the brilliant mind behind Suburban Oblivion , the lovely Sara. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm still struggling with the whole platform of blogging versus the traditional pen & paper journal. She, however, is not. She has fully embraced the blog as the ultimate journal, or, more importantly, journal for public consumption. Aah, a brain ripe for the picking!
I used the word "pretentious" in reference to blogging earlier. Why? Simply, I find it pretentious to approach any of my friends or family and say, "Hey, I have a blog, wanna check it out?" To me, this rings more closely to, "Hey, I am terribly interesting; wanna read the freakin' hilarious stuff I blather on about?" I have a sneaking suspicion that although they may smile and say "sure," they will actually be thinking, "Why would I want to waste my time reading about your crappy day when I barely have time to think about my own crappy day?" This is the reason I have so far told exactly two of my friends/family about this here piece o' internet gold.
So that leaves open the choice to simply not tell the people I know in real life, but rather teach myself how to link myself to other blogs (well, get them to link to me) and share my blog on message boards, etc. For my internet "friends" only. This is where I straighten my Star Trek posters and adjust my webcam, by the way. But then, if I only tell them, that would seriously reduce the prospective audience I'm (possibly) trying to reach. Smaller audience, fewer thoughts provoked, fewer comments... and here we reach my true dilemma:
Do I want to make myself a comment whore?
Let me not fool myself-- I know myself well enough to know that once people start reading this, I'll want them to post a comment, and that's where my figurative levee is breached: people start reading this, someone leaves a comment, then I'll start hoping for more comments, then I'll start eagerly checking to see if people have left comments, then I might start thinking to myself, "This would make for great blog fodder and elicit lots of comments!"... and then I've sold my writing soul to the devil.
Somewhere, deep in my little ego, tied directly into my thought processes, which leach out into my fingers, which push these little keyboard buttons, I will have spoiled the purist nature of journaling in a paper journal with a pen in hand, for my eyes only, and will begin to take my audience into consideration. And then what? I fear I will begin whoring myself out for comments.
So this is where Sara came in. Yep, right there at the whole "whoring" point.
(Wink, Sara.) How do you keep a blog pure? Is there any point in doing so? Do you write for yourself, as you would in a physical journal, or do you write with your audience in mind?
Obviously, it's possible to do both, but is it a compromise when you begin to consider your audience and their reactions, let alone their responses? And if you do consider your audience's response, what's the point? I mean, really, what is the value of a million comments? Do you want to parlay it into something else that might make money down the line? Is it just for the exhilaration of feeling, dare I say, popular? What is the point?
I suspect that there is a chorus of voices out there (somewhere, as I don't actually have an audience, yet) saying, "There is no point. Just do it. Who cares if it's pure?"
Sara's response was even-handed, one part "no point, just do it," and one part, "it is fun to be popular, though, right?" By the way, I really do understand the allure of comments. As I told Sara, unlike writing in an actual journal with pen in hand, receiving feedback about what you are writing on a blog must be like attending your own funeral: you don't have to wait until you're dead to hear what people thought. At this, Sara laughed a laugh that clearly said, "I understand/ that's funny/ this girl might be a little weird."
Honestly, Miss Suburban Oblivion doesn't seem to bother herself with these endless questions; the damn girl just writes. If she thinks it's interesting, she writes. She just writes and writes. Or, I suppose I should start saying "posts and posts," as writing and posting are two different things, as my "drafts" folder will attest to, certainly.
So. Just post. Possibly the purest form of writing.
Smart kid. I used to do speed. You know, and
sometimes a little cough syrup? I'd stay up all night,
just writin' and writin'. I mean, like 25 pages of
dribble. You know, about The Faces, or Coltrane. You know, just to fuckin' write.-Lester Bangs (Philip Seymour Hoffman) to William Miller in Almost Famous