Glenn Beck's Responsibility Beat-Down. I'm in.

I have a secret.  I am a huge fan of Glenn Beck.  I don't care if you are a conservative or a liberal, his talk radio show is one of the most common sense programs on the air.  Good, old-fashioned, small town common sense.

I listen to him on the way to Pants's school and often find myself just driving around while Goose naps in the backseat and I finish listening to the show in the car.  And you know I'm not a political wonk. 
Rather, all politics aside, I think his radio show is a must-listen for today's parents.

Now I'll tell you why.

Glenn Beck advocates personal responsibility.

[insert half of America falling off of their chairs at the horror.]

Imagine accepting consequences for our own actions and choices.  Not expecting anyone to bail us out or smooth things over.  Not getting an endless number of second chances.  Not exploiting every opportunity to place the blame anywhere other than on our own shoulders.

Imagine.  All the people.  Taking responsibility.

It's not easy, Mr. Lennon, even if you try.

Did you hear about the teen girl beating in Lakeland, Florida?  I hadn't until I turned on the radio this morning, as we have opted to not turn the cable on in our new house.  Call it an experiment.

I felt literally sick listening to excerpts of Matt Lauer's interview on the TODAY Show with the mother of one of the attackers.   The excuses.  The explanations.  The justifications.  I was honestly just sick.

I wanted to smack her.  How do you like that for irony?

From the TODAY show site:

For 30 minutes, six girls ganged up on a classmate, slamming her head into a wall and taking turns pummeling her and videotaping it all to post on the Internet. And when they were arrested and were being booked into juvenile detention, they joked about not being able to go to the beach, a Florida sheriff said Tuesday on TODAY.

The emphasis above is mine.  Because, seriously.

At one point in the video, you can hear the girl holding the video camera say, "There's only 17 seconds left. Make it good."

Good God, people. 

And these were not completely trashy girls.  I mean, yes, they are clearly trashy, but they are not "not my daughter."  These are seemingly average teenage girls, aside from the fact that they are demented animals.

What the hell is going on?

Our children are becoming desensitized.  Their understanding of the difference between right and wrong, or worse, their accountability for the difference between right and wrong, has become skewed.  I, for one, want to fight this , but I feel like I'm punching at air.

No, I'm not one of those moms that won't let her little boys play with guns, but I don't allow them to watch violent movies or video games. 

That is, not anymore.

When Pants was younger (and he's 3 and a half, so we are talking very young here), I let him watch Spider-Man and Superman and only peripherally explained that the violence was "pretend fighting" and that "you know never to hit anyone," blah blah blah.

Because at the end of the day, what part of his tiny little developing brain was getting all of the anti-violence language with which I was dowsing him?  Was he hearing anything other than "blah blah blah" as his little eyes took in the flashy costumes and exciting music?

I realized I had made a mistake when my family allowed him to watch something that I considered far too violent.  They explained that they went through the whole "never hit/ this isn't real/ this is all pretend" routine, but I knew that it was just too much. 

My family was visibly and vocally irritated with me because they felt I was arbitrarily drawing lines. What was the difference between Spider-Man and X-Men?  What was the difference between Spider-Man getting thrown against a wall in a bloody mess and Wolverine slicing someone up with knives that you can see break through his skin?

I realized that regardless of how fine the distinctions were in my own mind, I needn't make it the responsibility of anyone else to make that call.  So we began stepping back from the seemingly kid-friendly action movies.

Because I can't even find where that damn line is that is dissolving in our children's minds.

I took responsibility for a mistake that I made.  I shouldn't have let my toddler watch these comic book action movies.  It just made everything too confusing for everyone involved.

I am asking you, where does it begin?  Where does the desensitization begin where our kids start to muddle the line between reality and surreality?   Where they go beyond playing Spider-Man vs. Green Goblin in the living room and begin playing Fight Club in their basements?

And then they post it on the Internet.  On YouTube.  On MySpace.  As entertainment.

And the cycle continues.

The worst part of all of this is that the parents of the kids that took part in the beating in Florida will most likely be fighting tooth and nail to bail their kids out of this.

What I wouldn't give to see one of those parents say, "You have got to be kidding me.  You can sit your butt in jail.  I'm not fixing this for you."

Glenn Beck said that he would love to see these kids serve real time as adults for this.  Count me in.

Because when I was the age of these kids, which is approximately 16, I knew damn well what I was doing.  And I would have deserved to go to jail.

And my parents would have probably bailed me out.

The easiest way to make life hard for your kids is to make it soft for them.

Look, I know that this post is muddled in itself.  I am blaming the parents, I am blaming the media, I am blaming the kids.  I am all over the place.  Because I am confused.  And angry.  And disconcerted.

I need to boil this down:

A lack of parental guidance combined with a lack of the teaching and exemplification of personal responsibility and accountability are, in my opinion, at the root of this.

Am I wrong?

What do we do now?

...........................

Please share this post on or so others can find us, too.

New Here?  Subscribe to Velveteen Mind or have it delivered via email.

Comments

[YatPundit]

there's something else you can do to put the hurt on parents who do not accept responsibility--sue the crap out of them when their child commits a crime. parents are responsible for the torts of their minor children. when two kids burglarized my sister-in-law's house, she didn't want to sue because the parents of the two boys went to the same church. No way, hit them in the wallet. Same for those cheerleader girls. When mommy and daddy are looking at borrowing against the 401Ks and college funds to pay off dear daughter's stupidity, or when dear daughter now has to go to public school because the family has to pay off the debt to the victim, that will wake up some of these people.

[Angela]

My parents had a hard and fast rule of not bailing us out. If we made our bed we would lie in it. If we were being prosecuted overly harshly then they would push for fair sentences. BUT, they would not post bail or get shortened sentences when we were guilty. I've had two siblings (out of six kids) that have been arrested and well had issues. They've served the time they were given.

I'm a huge believer that parents shouldn't be automatically penalized for their children's choices. At this age you can't control them. You can give consequences and set guidelines and follow through. BUT the kids have the ability to make their own choices. As YatPundit recommends above, I disagree in most situations. While parents are responsible for minor children, there is a difference between negligent parenting a child just plain making bad choices.

What is not acceptable though is excusing your kids bad choices as these kids are. Thanks for posting about this.

[Rebecca]

What a horrible thing. I don't have much more to say besides that and "good post. I agree."

[Christina]

I saw that on the news last night, and wondered if the parents would try to bail the kids out. I wouldn't. No way. If my kid did that, she'd deserve whatever punishment was thrown at her.

It does start with the parents, but unfortunately parents can't be there all the time. I guess the important thing is to lay the foundation for making your kids into good people, and hope that foundation will hold when up against the waves of peer pressure and the media.

We get asked all the time, "You don't let Cordy watch Star Wars? Why not?" Well, she's 3, and doesn't fully understand violence yet, so we hold off until she's ready to understand imaginary vs. real violence. She's got her whole life to take in the classics, so waiting a little longer isn't a horrible thing.

[Annie]

Christina has hit the nail on the head for me when discussing parents' roles in a situation like this. Had these girls in the story you cite, had parents involved in their lives, paying attention to where they are, what they are doing, where their friends are - had these parents laid that firm foundation for solid, caring citizens who act with respect and integrity - perhaps this would not have happened. One of the kids involved in this beating is 14 - FOURTEEN! That's little more than a baby :(

[Mrs. Fussypants]

Excellent! The mom articulate strikes again.

[Domestic Chicky]

When you figure it out let me know. I have been trying hard to let my boys deal with and learn from the consequences of their actions, and I think I have done really well so far. Now I'm terrified of sending them to school where I know they will encounter kids whose parents are much less stringent. I am afraid of both my sons being victims, AND of them picking up the habits of these other kids. How do you balance that out?

[Christine]

This story has really struck a chord with me as well. That poor girl...the other girls really look like animals.

I love Glenn, too. He isn't in this market anymore; I was SO bummed when they booted him.

[Lori]

Ah, this is one of my hot buttons, for so many reasons.
1. I work at the juvenile court where these kids come. I see ALL kinds of excuses that parents make for letting their kids get so out of control. It boils my blood. I want to shout at these parents that THEY are the biggest reason that these kids are like that. They've never had consequences. They've never had discipline. So, the older they get the more brazen they get. (Of course, not all of them, so come from good parents and just make bad choices.)
2. I had brothers that committed heinous crimes and my parents bailed them out. And it killed me to watch them trample on my parents. My Republican, conservative, no nonsense, spanking parents. They bailed them out, every time. You never would have thought it, but when it was THEIR kid, they defended them til the end.

I know that our kids are bombarded with this stuff in the media, but I honestly think the majority of the blame falls on the parents. How they handle discipline and teaching morals and ethics. How they let their children face the consequences instead of enabling and making excuses.

It's not about being their friend, it's about being their parent. And I think a lot of people have lost perspective on that.

Wow, off my soapbox now.

[Krista]

Amen. That's all I have to say.
Well, other than the fact that we don't even own a TV and I'd rather keep it that way!

[Lisa Marie Mary]

I'm with Mrs. Fussypants - your articulation blows me away!! And that story makes me ill, just ill. First the third graders in GA, and now this. Wow - what is this world coming to, indeed!

[karla ~ looking towards heaven]

oh MAN! is my mind racing with ideas for a post! I am totally going to write about this on my blog, but it certainly won't make much sense or be as well written as yours. But I'll try. Yes, ma'am I'll try.

'Cause this is one of my pet peeves.

sorry... rambling...

Blessings,
K

[Joe]

This is a crazy story and the parents need to locked up with the kids to make this have any effect on society. WTF were those girls thinking? Expelled, in jail until 20 and monetary settlement to the girl beaten. Period. I would go as far as public beatings for them, vicious stuff. Yuck!

[Jenni]

I see this lack of responsibility all the time. Just this weekend, a friend of mine was telling a group of us how her son was suspended for a senior prank and how he may not graduate. Every other person there was dismayed and complaining about the horrible school daring to discipline for a (rather major) prank.

I looked right at her and told her if he were my son he would be accepting the consequences of his choices.

The silence was unbelievable.

[Mistie]

Totally, absolutely agree. The kids need a good ole fashioned butt whoopin' (which I imagine someone will be more than happy to give them in prison) - and so do the parents.

And you're right, Glenn Beck rocks.

[Queen of Shake Shake]

I find it funny that when I posted about my son being mistreated and bullied and school, one reader asked me why I didn't have specially trained teachers helping my son with his social issues.

Are you fracking kidding me?!?!

What about the bullies getting help with their social issues? They are the ones that need it. Serious mental help.

I'd bet good money these girls were bullies in elementary school and went unchecked.

[andi]

Well said, Megan (and happily submitted to StumbleUpon). I've seen firsthand what happens when parents support this type of behavior and it is not pretty. And what happened to that girl was so sick, it just makes my stomach turn.

I loved this line - "The easiest way to make life hard for your kids is to make it soft for them." So true.

[Aicram]

Must defend myself - It was not Megan's decision to choose her children's movies that upset the grandparents, but the action immediately taken when we were all watching a movie that the grandparents and uncle thought was okay because of previous movies veiwed by the children. We did not think she was arbitrarily drawing lines, we actually are more intelligent than that - we did think the reaction at the time was extreme. I feel that Megan's decision was correct. Her children are too young to understand fully that Green Goblin being impaled on his flying disc or Wolverine having claws that rip through villians is only "make believe" - so, they no longer watch these types of movies in our home. Just as children in the olden days poked and jabbed other children like the "Three Stooges" - parents should know what there children are watching - control it and explain it. I wonder what Megan watched when she was little? Sex on HBO! Amazingly she turned out pretty good - wonder why?

[Sleeping Mommy]

My mother was all about personal responsibility. And so were her parents, who happened to babysit me regularly. It was made VERY clear to me that if I got into trouble at school, my parents and grandparents would assume the teachers/administration were right unless I had proved otherwise. Then I would get twice the punishment at home that I had received at school. And if I should ever get arrested. God help me, because my parents and grandparents would not. I was on my own. No bail. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Do the crime. Do the time.

[Summer]

Except for Glen Beck having anything to do with common sense, absolutely!

Unfortunately there are parents who don't see anything wrong with their kids acting this way.

[Joe]

Right on target,Megan. When some of our most visible media people can only find excuses and not even touch on personal responsibility! There's a definite need for personal responsibility and of course it starts with the family.

[Erika]

This is exactly what I was talking about when I emailed you privately to tell you how impressed I was with you. Again, it was a pleasure meeting you, someone with values and morals in today's society who is willing to stand up and fight for them. Kudos.

[HRH]

I couldn't agree more with you. What has become of us?

[Shannon]

"The easiest way to make life hard for your kids is to make it soft for them."

Wow. You are awesome. I totally agree (even though I am guilty of making life way too soft for my kids) and enjoy Glenn Beck also.

[SuburbanOblivion]

I know its totally picking at details, but re:your family and spiderman/x-man..what part of 'pg-13 rating' says preschooler-friendly exactly? It still surprises me how many people think that because comic book characters are in them, its good for kids.

[Chrissy]

I love Glen Beck, I love your blog and I am sick at my stomach over these girls and what has become of our youth. It scares the hell out of me.
I am so glad that they are going to be tried as adults. No wiping the slate clean because they are under 18. What the hell, do you magically learn that it is okay to NOT hit or beat the hell out of someone when you turn 18? Please!! I am glad that this incident will follow them around for the rest of their ex-cheerleader in high school lives. That poor girl temporarily lost vision and hearing from this beating.
If more of these juveniles would be held accountable as adults, some of this might stop, but as long as their records are sealed or wiped clean, they have a free pass.
Can you tell you touched a nerve??
heh

[Jane]

Great post. As a teacher these issues worry me daily. I think it is natural for the parents to want to bail the kids out. I am sure their minds are wracked with "where did we go wrong?" These were average suburban kids and that is what is most disturbing. They were not kids raised in violent, dysfunctional homes.

One thing I will say is that it is our society's fault for blurring all the lines for kids. Just yesterday I saw a billboard for the TV show Gossip Girl it showed a passionate embrace and the letters "OMFG!" Pretty crude. Also, there are dozens of variations of the billboard for "I Hate Sarah Marshall" all of which seem to glorify hate messages. Slam books have gone digital and are now cyber bullying.

When I was a teen, my parents could kind of back off and there was a limit to how much trouble I could get into. But with the internet in living rooms and bedrooms, there is no limit to the exposure of overly mature/inappropriate material.

Todays parents, more than ever, need to be like white on rice for their children. And, of course, the problem is that they are pulled in more directions than ever also.

I think the best thing would be to force kids to spend time with their family, every day without distraction. For eighteen years.
Sounds easy? Still so few families eat dinner together every day. When they drive, everyone is plugged into their own ipods or dvd players. At home it's every man for their own laptop.

I think well meaning, "normal" families are pretty checked out.

[Bella]

I knew right from wrong long before I was 16....and yes, they need to be treated as adults.
...and Oh how I LOVE Glenn Beck...

[Un-domestic Mama]

AMEN! I think EXACTLY as you do. That is the problem, even with my own generation ( I am 26), is that there is a serious lack of personal responsibility.

No way in HELL would I bail out my kid, as much as I would want to, I wouldn't. At 16 they know exactly what they are doing, and to video tape it shows how malicous and planned it was. These kids deserve to be tried as adults. If they are bailed out now, imagine what they will be like when they are adults!

[Patty]

Excellent post!

[Will]

One of my best friends said,"Kids are apprentice people, it's our job to train them to be real people." He did a really good job with them. They've grown up responsibly and have their own apprentice people now.

[The (Almost) Amazing Mommarino]

Awesome post. I CAN'T STAND people who don't take responsibility for their actions (as well as parents and others in authority who don't make them!)

[Chrissy]

How do you feel about Dr. Phil's producer bailing out the "ringleader"? The one that lives with her grandmother, where the beat-down took place. Also the one that her mother, on the Today show, said she wanted to "make it clear" that SHE (the mother) had custody of the girl, not the grandmother. Legal documents show temporary guardianship was given to grandmother. Where was MOM during the court hearing? IMO, I'm sick of Dr. Phil and his good boy ways. I am from the South and I used to be a fan. Everyone is talking about how he stepped over the line with Britney Spears and now, this story. He claims his Producer "took matters in their own hands" by offering bail to the bawling Grandma, when she didn't have enough money to get "Mercedes" out of jail. I pray I am never put into this position with my own daughters. I feel for the parents of these girls, but somehow, I can't help to say, "Let her sit"...
Dr. Phil should have been on the side of the girl who was beaten, if taking sides. But that would not have made for good tv. From a few of the shows I have watched recently, the guests seem to be a bit Jerry Springer-ish. Like they had just a few too many morals to make the Springer show so they went across the lot to Phil.

I think we are forgetting one of his first, attention getting, taken from the headlines shows, that, after a handful "exclusives", updates, and empty promises to he never "solved"......Natalie Holloway.

Wonder if Beth is starting to feel a little exploited?

[Colleen]

Miss Fussypants has said it all. I did catch the following Glenn Beck story on cnn.com the other day and couldn't agree more:
America needs a 12-step program.

[Rob O.]

Y'know, some of our friends think nothing of allowing their toddlers to be completely sucked in by the movie marketing machine and therefore, they've bought a whole slew of Spiderman-themed stuff for these little boys.

I'm not going for it! It's quite simply, too graphic and too violent for a young child. And I don't especially care for the almost-pedatory way that the movies studios - in cahoots with fast food joints that we also choose not to frequent - peddle their wares on little kids.

I've got no problem buying some Dora-themed Yoplait yogurt for my little boy - although he loves it IN SPITE of not having a clue who Dora is. But I don't think I'll be buying an Iron Man-themed Doritos anytime soon. Somehow, there's a difference...

Maybe I'm making more of this than I should, but it isn't the same as when we were young. Today's kids are bombarded by the media from every angle and encouraged at every turn to become insatiable little consumers.

And besides, every silly Spiderman hoozit or Batman whazzit means that many fewer dollars that stand a chance to hit my little guy's college fund savings account.

[Rob O.]

I sorta got off on a tangent there... So, in answer to the real question you were posing, nothing chaps me worse than halfway parents.

My wife & I tried to have kids for years and then resorted to adoption. So, after 11 years of marriage, we finally got our son and he's worth every minute of the wait. But having had to go through as much as we did to get him really makes me all the more appreciative of just how rare a gift a child is.

So, parents who're only halfway there for their kids - and I have several friends who fall easily into this category - really burn me up! Yes, the loss of personal freedoms is tough. Yes, children can be hair-pullingly exasperating at times. Yes, this is the most difficult job you'll ever have. But bottom line, if you've signed on to be a parent, then step up to the plate and do it all the way.

[Christine @ Serenity How?]

Not a muddled post at all. It was excellent and so right.

Personal responsibility is exactly what's needed, but first we need parental responsibility. There are too many parents wrapped up in their own business that they've checked out of their kids' lives. Then there are those who are too busy trying to be kids themselves. Did you see the MySpace page one of the girls from the story had up. Sickening and kind of pathetic.

Oh, and I love Glenn Beck, too.

[Amy McCoy]

The heart of the problem lies in the fact that the world as a whole has turned its back in absolute truth and only gives lip service to God. We need to get back to God's word, the Bible and teach it to our children. The Ten Commandments need to be revered and the New Testament's commentary on them even more so: "But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes." 1 John 2:11 These teens have hate in their hearts and they are murderers even though they did not actually succeed in killing this poor girl. Things are only going to get worse...read Revelation for yourself and not books written about it. And prepare yourself for the "Days of Noah" before the return of Jesus Christ where violence enveloped the Earth. Famine is here too folks. I pray you come to the Lord before it is too late and be saved.

[Tiffany]

Sadly, this is nothing new, though it may be spreading to a new sector of society. Fifteen years ago when I was practicing criminal defense law I regularly sat in my office across from men in their mid-twenties to early thirties and their mothers. Yep, mom was coming along to the lawyer and doing most of the talking, telling me how it wasn't really Junior's fault that he drove drunk on a suspended license because his friend was supposed to drive him home and he left, so really, what choice did he have?

The overarching message was almost always the same: "You didn't do anything wrong, honey." Which, of course, quickly translates to "So no big deal if you want to do it again."