An Illustrated Guide To Exercising Fresh Mait Authori-tay.

Hello all you other velveteen relishers out there!  Yes, I'm speaking to those of you who revel in the threadbare.  If threadbare is your thang, then boy, are we in the right place together or what?!?  Because if you saw my bra, it would send you into reveling fits, I swear. 

But onto more important things.  This is Heather, Queen of Shake Shake and I'm Megan's guest poster of the day.  At a recent un-playdate, *ahem* I vaguely remember Megan asking me to guest post while she was on vacation and I vaguely remember protesting that I didn't like to guest post.  Come on Megan, I went on vacation myself and had no guest posters yet my blog still stands, which is a fact that is a mystery in itself.

Somehow here I am...guest posting.  How did that happen??  Another question I will have to add to my Mysteries of the Universe list and deeply contemplate at another time.

For now though, let's have some fun! 

I'm going to start the fun by asking a question:

Do you love fresh mait?

I love fresh mait.  In case you haven't heard, I AM a fresh mait authori-tay. 

If you are unsure exactly what a fresh mait authori-tay is, I encourage you to go read that link and find out.  The following pictures will not make much sense if you have no knowledge of what it takes to me a fresh mait authori-tay.

I'll wait.
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Now we're all on the same page and I can move on to illustrating......

How To Exercise Your Fresh Mait Authori-tay.

Sit back and revel in this.

Mmmmmm.  Fresh Mait.

Relish in the freshness.  Revel in the protein with no fillers.

But WATCH OUT for sexually harassing pussies who are after your mait! Did you see how I was able to catch the evil of this pussy cat in the picture?  Look at the reflection on the table.  The evil eyes!  It's always the eyes that give the demons  away.

I'll karate chop her ass.  I may have to look at her asshole every day, but I will not share my fresh mait!!

Gasp!  Whose hand is that? Where did it come from? Is someone trying to come between me and my fresh mait?!?

Oh shit, whatda I do?  Whatda I do?  I need a fix!  Give me a fix!!  Come on patch, help me out!

Oh hell, he did NOT! Oh. My. Gawd.  That dickweed is standing between me and my fresh mait!  Who in the hell does he think he is?  He isn't respecting my fresh mait authori-tay!!!!

Give me my fresh mait!  I want fresh mait!!  Agggggggghhhhh!!!!

And there you have it. I hope you've enjoyed this edition of How to Excercise Your Fresh Mait Authori-tay.  Tune in for my next bout of insanity as I reveal all of the wacked out things you can do with velveteen.  Let's just say the velveteen bunny is no more....it's all about the velveteen rat.

See ya then!

P.S.  Fart. Skid Mark Panties. Fart.

P.P.S.  Sorry, I had to help Megan out by raising her fart authori-tay a bit.  And I just had to share with Megan all of those crazy asses in the UK who google every damn day looking for skid marked panties.  May they perservert on her blog now too.