Being Mom, Mommy of the Year

October 06, 2008

The Trouble with Pies

A pear pie made me stop blogging.

Rather, the promise of a pear pie.

No.  Precisely, the absence of a pear pie.pear-pie-powder-sugar

The day before we evacuated for Hurricane Gustav a handful of weeks ago, I dropped by our elderly neighbor's home to find out what their evacuation plans were and to share my family's.  They are a wonderful couple that have lived in this home for over thirty years, friendly and both interesting and interested.

Needless to say, I rarely visit them.  Yep, I'm that neighbor.  I'm the one that smiles and waves, greets you through the fence, buys lemonade at your child's lemonade stand, but generally doesn't step into your yard.

The day I stopped by to discuss evacuation plans was not the first time I had knocked on their door, but it was the first time I accepted an invitation to come inside.  I did not have our two toddler boys with me at the time, so was enjoying the rare moment in which I could make decisions independent of everyone else's immediate vicinity to impaling devices.  As such, I happily stepped into what I expected to be a very similar floor plan as our own home, our houses being two of the oldest on the street.

The home I found myself standing in was, instead, the home our house wishes it could be.  I did not hide my enthusiasm for their renovations, so the Mrs. welcomed me to tour the home with her so she could point out the changes.

After a walk-through that had my brain mapping out blueprints for the virtual mansion I wish our home could one day become (okay, more like bungalow with a larger family room), we returned to the kitchen to find the Mr. waiting for us with a plastic bag full of something heavy and plentiful.

Pears. 

Mr.:  Do you like pears?

Megan:  Sure, we love pears.

Mr.:  I thought you might,pears so I picked these while you were with the Mrs.  They are from our tree out front.

Megan:  Oh my, thank you!  I always wondered if those were edible.

Mr.:  They aren't good for eating, but they're fine for baking.  I thought you could bake a pie with them when you get back.

Megan(trying to comprehend a couple foreign words he used in those sentences)  Sure.  Absolutely...  I. will. bake. a. pie.

Mr.:  smiling proudly, having helped a young mother provide a special treat for her young family... 

Her young family who are actually completely oblivious as to what a pie is or how one would be made from scratch and then baked in that big white thing we make grilled cheese sandwiches on top of, if we're lucky.

I left with my bag of freshly picked pears, plopped them on my kitchen table, and then forgot about them.  What did stick with me, though, was how casually he had said I could "bake a pie with them."  As though of course I knew how to bake.  A pie.  With fresh ingredients.

I am a young mother, with a young family, on a tight budget, and I do not know how to bake a pie.  I sure do have a cute apron, though.  One I designed and had made from a vintage table cloth.  One I had made by a friend I met online, from a table cloth I bought online, and which I intended to sell online in order to help support my family.

That is the mother that I am.  pear-pie-texture-lattice I don't bake pies, creating them from scratch, slipping them into the oven to bake, then serving them to my expectant family at the dinner table.

Rather, I Google pie images, digitally insert them into graphics programs and then virtually publish them from my digital desktop for my statistically relevant online audience to consume. 

I suspect I'm missing something here.  For all that my .com resourcefulness gets me, I suspect that a certain amount of real "calm" could be gained from that real pie.

And that is what stuck with me.

In the days to follow, long after the pears had to be thrown out, I was still thinking about that pie.  That damn pie.

After a long day of wrangling editors and answering questions from PR emails, I turned off the computer, loaded the boys in the car, and headed over to my parents' house for a bit of a break.  After satisfactorily distracting the boys, I plopped down on the couch and found a movie to watch.  Waitress starring Keri Russell was on, a movie I had heard great independent-movie things about. 

And I'll be damned if it wasn't about pies.

What followed was roughly two hours of watching pies being made.  The filmmakers might suggest that there was a plot line and a romance and something about marriage and babies and career, but all I saw was pies.  Pies, and a simplicity that my life has been missing lately.

I've written only one blog post since then, because I more or less turned off the computer and started reassessing the clutter in my life, both literally and figuratively.  For those of you that have been reading me a long time, you know I do this every now and then.  I don't make a big fuss about it, I just don't show up for a few weeks.

But this isn't about blogging.  I'm not looking for comments that read "I'm glad you're back!" or "I missed reading you."  The web is stuffed full of enough to keep you occupied, and I think that is precisely my point. 

This reassessment of our priorities and taking inventory of our homes and goals is relevant to every single one of us.  Or at least it should be.

When I wrote Gravel Paves the Road to The White House, my point was not a small towns vs. cities one.  Rather, it was about taking the time to listen, to absorb, to process and integrate the mass amounts of stimuli we are faced with every single day.  It was about taking the time to settle the white noise in our heads. 

You didn't notice it happening, but then you step outside one evening, discover it quiet, and realize that you have cocooned yourself within a wall of static.

That pie.  That damn pie that I never made, sliced through my static.

This is about simplicity.  It is about appreciating what I already have at my fingertips.  pear-pie-bartlettWhat I've struggled to build but then sometimes take for granted.  It is about what I let slip by me every day and never notice.  It is about that woman that I'm going to get around to being.

So...  I've been cleaning.  Decluttering.  Stepping back and asking questions, making decisions, taking action.  Slicing through the static I've let accumulate, static that I've allowed to drown out something important that I can't quite put my finger on but that I can sense is still there.

Maybe it's the stress from all of this screeching panic on the news each day.  The economy.  The bailout.  The election.  The noise the noise the noise.

You don't notice it sneaking up on you.   You don't think you even care.  But then there it is.  Regardless of how much you think it affects you, you find yourself needing to make a decision, put your foot down, stake your claim.

Close your eyes, take a breath, exhale.  Open your eyes.  Step back.  Sit down.  Stand up.  Move forward.  Slow down.

Steady yourself.

I'm going to make that damn pie.

...........................

New Here? Sign up for free delivery of new posts via RSS or email.

Follow me on Twitter! and Add to Technorati Favorites

September 16, 2008

Facebook is Giving Me an Identity Crisis

Have you ever felt an unexpected shift in the core of who you are?  You are trucking right along and suddenly realize that something has changed?

Imperceptible shifts in your course, happening over time, until you abruptly find yourself in a different place than you planned.  You find yourself a different person than you expected.

Perhaps this is simply growth.  Perhaps this is simply growing up.  Perhaps I'm simply losing my mind.

That last one was a joke.  But I bet you smiled, because I bet you've been there.

I posted a quote from Patton Oswalt on Twitter a while back, taken from Lewis Black's The Root of All Evil on Comedy Central, in which Oswalt said regarding blogging: 

"Bloggers are the root of all evil because they have reduced us to a first draft culture."

I thought that was actually funny (come on, it is!), but let me warn you, this is a first draft and one I plan to hit publish on as soon as I finish typing.  It's one of those things that we might all feel, but rarely take the time to explore, so before I shake it off, I'm going to put it out there. 

I blame this identity crisis on Facebook. 

 

Megan Jordan's Facebook profile
 

Yes, I say that tongue-in-cheek, but on some level it is true.  Facebook has put me back in touch with high school and college friends I haven't heard about in years, laying all of their lives out in an orderly fashion, ripe for comparison.

Half of them have families and jobs and most of the same responsibilities that keep me from going out to a club every other night.  The other half seem to be living virtually the same lives we lived in school, only with legal ID's and fewer grades.

It brings up so many personal questions that I don't generally allow myself to consider.  Questions like, "Um, was it an option to keep partying?"

That is a simplification, but still.

For now, I'm just putting this feeling in front of you.  I'll write more about it later.  Later, being after I finish the relaunch of Blog Nosh Magazine, which is certainly artificially inflating my stress level and causing me to rub my own nerves raw.

But maybe it's also an opportunity to rattle those nerves a bit and see what shakes out.  What sparks to the surface. 

Want to frazzle some nerves with me?  Ask some questions like, "Do I still want to drop it like it's hot?" or "Is it still an option to shake it like a Polaroid picture?"

Hell, let's just listen to some music:

 

Hey Ya! - Outkast

(feed readers, if you can't see the music player, you are so missing out!)


...........................

New Here? Sign up for free delivery of new posts via RSS or email.

Follow me on Twitter! and Add to Technorati Favorites

August 29, 2008

You Loot, We Shoot

Three years ago today, Hurricane Katrina demolished the Gulf Coast.  We lost everything we owned, save for three days' worth of clothes, one guitar, a handful of photos, and our lives.

We evacuated ahead of the storm, as we always do and always will.

We had no idea what Katrina had wrought until a few days after she was gone.  The video below is of us at Maguire's parents' house, blissfully ignorant of how our lives were changing as we sat in the dark. 

While we played with a 13 month old Q, our home was going under water.  It was being battered and blown to bits.  His toys were being submerged and smashed and dragged out to the Gulf of Mexico.  His Christening gown, passed down from his great-grandfather, worn by his grandfather, by Maguire, and then by him, being swept away. 

Every photograph and journal I had saved so carefully since elementary school, warping and floating away.  The photos from college, where Maguire and I met.  Our wedding.  Our honeymoon.  The photos of me pregnant.  The photos and videos of Q's birth.  The videos of him learning to walk and talk...  all gone.  And we had no idea.

 


Night of Katrina from Megan Jordan on Vimeo.
 

 

What Katrina left us was the gift of charity.  The importance of family and friends.  The impermanence of the material and the futility of regret.

Katrina Aftermath Home

As I sit here, hurricanes are forming to the south of us.  And yet we remain.  We will evacuate, but not before protecting all that we have rebuilt.  All that we have fought for and struggled to call home again.

But we will evacuate.  And with us, we will take our most precious gift from Katrina, our son Goose.  Because one other possession Hurricane Katrina took away from me was the illusion of control.  Had it not been for her, I would not have released my need to plan every moment.  I would not have opened my carefully guarded life to the unexpected gift of the right baby at the wrong time.

Boys-inthe-Raw

Thank you, Katrina, you complete and utter wench.

But Gustav and Hanna? 

Stay off of my property because looters will be shot.

YouLootWeShoot-blog

And yeah, that's my dad.  And, yes, he will shoot you. 

~~~

Feed readers, if you don't see the video, be sure to click through.

~~~

Related Posts:

Victor Vito (our Katrina story)

Camille was a Lady, Katrina was a Bitch (on the 2nd anniversary)

Hierarchy of Suffering (why being a victim is a waste of energy)

Resilience or Defiance: on the Third Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina

...........................

New Here? Sign up for free delivery of new posts via RSS or email.

Follow me on Twitter! and Add to Technorati Favorites

August 26, 2008

Supernanny Don't Fail Me Now

GooseGunGrin Goose turned two in July.  Since then, he has welcomed the "terrible" with open arms.  He has become a yelling, pouting, hitting, throwing, crying, stomping cliché.

In turn, he has turned me into the clichéd fretting mother, constantly wondering where I have gone wrong and how I can save him from himself.  Looking for stopgap solutions so that we can all just make it through the day, for crying out loud.

When, in truth, what I need to do is back away, put the cookie back into the cookie jar, and let him work his way through it on his own.  Tough love and all that jazz.

But damn if that isn't hard.

Goose started attending preschool two half-days a week this month.  Nicely coinciding with that was the introduction of separation anxiety that arrives so conveniently at his age.   The result is an undercurrent of mutteringly-hostile "I no go school" chants under his breath any time I look like I might put shoes on him.  Or brush his hair.  Or look in the direction of the garage.

A weaker mother GoosePoutmight give in to his sad eyes and pouting lips as he proclaims that he is, in fact, ready to go back to bed at 7:45 a.m. because he "no go school."  A weaker mother like, say, his father.

But no.  We are going to tough this out.  We are not going to decide that he's just two and doesn't really need to be in preschool, anyway.  That he can stay home another year and risk even having a spot in the impossible-to-get-into preschool that we love because they are not overly competitive or encourage over-scheduling.

We are not going to decide that this is too hard for Goose.

The surest way to make life hard for your kids is to make it soft for them.

I have said that before and I'm saying it here again because I need it as a reminder.  I will not bail out my kids just because they are uncomfortable.

But damn if this isn't hard.

None of us likes to see our children struggle or in pain.  Particularly if we can help them.  But by helping them, by bailing them out, by protecting them from disappointment, what are we truly accomplishing in the long run?

We are depriving them of pride.

I used to watch Supernanny all the time.  One of my favorite episodes focused on a mother that had slept in her son's room every night since she brought him home from the hospital.  Take that a step further and you realize that she had not spent the night in bed with her husband since she brought her son home from the hospital five years earlier.

Not that she hadn't tried.  She had tried to persuade her son to sleep alone, but the resulting tantrums and visible emotional pain were too much for her to bear.  So she caved.  Night after night.  She caved.

Needless to say, this kind of weakness extended into other areas of their life to the point that they had to bring in Supernanny, Jo Frost. 

One of the first things Jo did was walk the mother through getting her son to sleep through the night alone for the first time.  Her technique is simple and boils down to that after some measure of comfort, you simply return them to bed each and every time they try to leave the room and you do not engage them.  After hours of this tortuously stoic approach, I'll be damned if the little boy didn't sleep in his bed alone.  For the first time in his life.

The next morning, he entered the kitchen and displayed something his mother had never witnessed so purely before:  pride.  He was proud of himself for having slept by himself. 

Despite all of her best efforts to protect him from pain and discomfort, his mother had been surely succeeding in doing one thing that would last longer than any amount of comfort that her presence in his bedroom could provide: She had been depriving him of pride.

This realization was stunning, to say the least.  It was also not nearly as dramatic as I am making it out to be, but it dramatically impressed upon me the importance of allowing our children to, in essence, learn how to fish rather than giving them a fish.  Regardless of how hungry they may appear at that moment.

So tonight, when Goose came out of his bedroom in tears for the fourth time in as many minutes, I caught myself engaging him.  I was literally in mid-comforting hysteria (you know the kind, as you are on the edge of breaking down but don't want to let them know that you might have to throw them out the window), when I stopped mid-sentence and saw Supernanny in my mind. 

Crazy as that sounds.

I stopped talking, or, I should say that I stopped pleading, closed my mouth, scooped him up, delivered him to his bed, and walked out.  I only had to do this one more time and as I sit here, he has still not left his bed.  Sure, there was some sniffling, but if you can't handle some sniffling and mumbling about "no, Q's bed!" and "no go school," then you might want to reconsider having that second or third child.

...

Wait...

...

GooseTongueMonkeyWell, I'll be damned. 

I just heard Maguire, my husband, leave Goose's room. 

A weaker mother would have snuck in there and lain on the floor until Goose fell asleep. 

I appear to have married a weaker mother.

I'll be damned.

Consider this to be continued...




...........................

New Here? Sign up for free delivery of new posts via RSS or email.

Follow me on Twitter! and Add to Technorati Favorites

August 20, 2008

Engaged and Underage: Toddler Love and Dancing Pigs

My oldest son recently turned four.  For all practical purposes, he is a man now.  Or so he would have us believe.

Apparently, he is getting married soon.  I thought I had at least fourteen more years with him, IMG_6844at the very least given that we do live in Mississippi, but we have had a good run.  It would be disingenuous of me to act surprised at the news of his impending marriage, though, as I clearly should have seen this coming.

(Up until this point on my blog, I've always referred to my oldest son as "Pants."  This is short for Mr. Pee Pants, which is something we've called him since he was a baby, a play on an Aqua Teen Hunger Force character called MC Pee Pants.  But men shouldn't be called by baby names such as "Pants," so before I tell you the story of how he came to become engaged, I think the time has come to change his "blog name."
Pants, my quintessential first born son, full of entertaining quirkiness, endearing with your quiet loveliness, I hereby christen you with your new blog pseudonym:  "Q." 
Jot that down folks.  We don't do reminders around here, mostly because I forget to, a la Sweet Valley High intro chapters about the characteristics of Elizabeth vs. Jessica.  Pants is now Q.  Done.  Blog magic, no legal forms involved.  Now back to the story of how my baby became fodder for an MTV reality show.)

While blogging doing housewife-ish things the other day, I overheard Q and IMG_6842his younger brother, Goose, arguing in the kitchen over a toy.   Q ultimately cornered Goose against the cabinets and said, "Just listen to me.  You should give me [the toy] because I'm going to have to leave you some day." 

Goose responded in his best Toy Nazi tone with "No toy for you!"  He's two, but he has a keen sense of pop-culture humor. 

Q then calmly explained, "Look, some day I'm going to get a girlfriend and I'm going to have to leave you.  Now just give me the toy and we'll play."

How little time we all have together.  Thank God Q is here to remind us that someday soon he'll choose hooking up with his girlfriend over playing with his baby brother.

Good grief, people.  I about fell out of my chair over the dishwasher when I heard his Imminent Girlfriend Warning.  He was so serious and I swear to you, Goose eventually bought the argument!

IMG_6853 I had almost forgotten to remember that we had best all bend to Q's wishes because we are going to miss him when he's out macking on the ladies, when he offered another reminder the other day. 

Q goes to a local Montessori school three days a week, so Goose and I were picking him up the other day and loading the circus that is our family into the car when Q broke the news...

Q:  "I asked Evelyn to marry me today."

Goose, don't say he didn't warn us.  Like three days ago.

Me:  Really?  Evelyn, huh?  What did she say?

Q:  She said yes.  We are going to get married outside.  I really love her.

Me:  Yeah, that Evelyn is something else.  She's really pretty, don't you think?

Q:  Yes and she can run fast.

Had I known that running speed is how men choose their wives, I would have spent more time in training.  As it is, I don't think I even owned running shoes when I met my husband.  Ah, the "what if's" of life...

Me:  So, who is paying for this wedding?

Q:  Pa will, but you and Dad can come, and Goose.  And Cittie and Granddad.  And Ghee.  And Luke. 

GooseI want to party.

(note:  This sounds like an entirely coherent contribution to the conversation, but Goose is two and once he caught on enough to realize there were invitations involved in whatever it was we were talking about, he was up for any party.)

Q:  You can dance with Dad, I'll dance with Evelyn.  Goose can dance with his girlfriend...  And then I'll hire a dancing pig to sit with her mother.PigDanceMeaning

Me:  Evelyn's mother?

Q:  Of course.

Ah, of course. 

My little man, Q.  He has already caught on to the delicate nature of the relationship between son-in-law and mother-in-law.  I have to say, setting her up with a dancing pig right out of the gate is one way to set the expectations for a relationship.

Q:  No, actually I'll get a dancing monkey to dance with Goose.

Goose:  "A pirate says 'Arrrrrrr!'"

The end...

Good grief.  I really am a mom.

Conversations like that make me think I should stop lacing my coffee with LSD.  How else do you explain these conversations with toddlers? 

The funny thing is, if you are a parent, the progression of that conversation probably not only made sense, but sounded familiar.

Welcome to toddler parenthood.  Leave your disbelief at the door.  Dancing pigs are real and like going to weddings just as much as the rest of us.

And don't forget the dancing monkeys, too.

Arrrrrr! 

...........................

New Here? Sign up for free delivery of new posts via RSS or email.

Follow me on Twitter! and Add to Technorati Favorites

About

  • Mommyblogger? Fine. Brevity blogger? Rarely.

    Some call me articulate.
    I say I need an editor.

    Read more...

    TwitterCounter for @VelveteenMind

    Subscribe

    email Megan

Subscribe

Social Media

Facebook MySpace StumbleUpon Technorati Twitter YouTube

Twitter

Explore

Readers

Shop

  • Visit my amazon.com store!

    Lots more to browse, in addition to what you see below.

    I receive a small commission for anything you buy here, so thank you!

In Return

Acknowledge

Blog powered by TypePad
Member since 01/2007