Heather Spohr and I became friends when she emailed me about a post of mine she had just read. This was during one of her daughter Maddie's hospital stints 
and she said it was just what she needed to hear. She made me smile because she said that if she could print it and hand it out to the other parents at the hospital, she would.
We became easy friends and she soon joined me on a new magazine project I was launching, joining Blog Nosh Magazine as an editor of the Overcoming Adversity channel.
She was more than perfect for the job because she has a special knack for maintaining a sense of humor and perspective during times of adversity. She's got a bead on the whole "overcoming" bit, though without coming off as sappy or melodramatic.
Hands down, she is one of my favorite editors and one of those "blog" friends I most look forward to seeing in person during conferences.
I really wish I could see her right now.
Maddie passed away on Tuesday, April 7. I spent all day Tuesday refreshing Heather's twitter page seemingly every five minutes, looking for updates on how Maddie was doing. I sent Heather messages and lit a candle for Maddie, praying for long stretches, but honestly never thinking that anything worse would actually happen. Because seriously? This is going to be okay. Right?
We have filled the front page of Blog Nosh Magazine with posts about Maddie and links to videos and donation sites. The posts were easy to come by, as the response within our extended community has been overwhelming. Overwhelming and not surprising, in the same breath.
Everyone loved Maddie. Heather and her husband Mike, Maddie's dad, wrote brilliantly and hilariously about life "raising a baby... and insurance premiums." Maddie was born premature and the struggles rarely ceased, but their family's strength and good nature never wavered. It was hard not to adore them. Maddie's open face and welcoming smile didn't hurt.
I found myself repeating "Damn it to hell." and "This sucks ass." yesterday a lot. Because sometimes you just need to get mad. All soothing and comforting tones just don't cut it sometimes. Getting pissed occasionally helps to cut through the emotional clutter.
This didn't happen to me. It didn't happen to us. But it could have, it could, and by the grace of God, it hasn't and doesn't.
The most fascinating aspect of the Internet and blogs is that it gives us the opportunity to put ourselves into the shoes of people we don't know, but grow to love all the same.
I have no freaking idea what could help you, Heather and Mike, right now. But if sharing even an ounce of your pain helps, know that we are trying to absorb as much as we can. If we could, thousands of us would be in California next week to stand beside you.
Thousands of us are holding your hand the best way we know how, right this moment. We are trying to understand, know that we can not, and still want you to know that we are sorry for your loss. An unspeakable loss that we, well, there are no words.
But damn it if we aren't trying. For Maddie. For Heather. For Mike. And for every baby born premature.
In lieu of flowers, the family has asked that donations be made to the March of Dimes, a cause they believed in mightily.
Furthermore, because money should be the last thing they need to worry about right now, a PayPal fund has been opened for them. You may donate directly to the Spohrs by visiting PayPal, clicking "send money" and directing your donation to [email protected]
Or just click the button below and all the work is done for you, designed by Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry.
You are welcome to post any of the March of Dimes banners and/ or PayPal button on your sites. We made the PayPal button to be shared and welcome any other button designs you might like to contribute. Whatever it takes to raise awareness and lend support.
PayPal button code:
<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">
<p><input name="cmd" value="_s-xclick" type="hidden">
<input name="hosted_button_id" value="4598783" type="hidden">
<input src="http://www.velveteenmind.com/For%20Maddie%20v5%20purple.gif" name="submit" alt="Donate via PayPal to support Maddie's family" border="0" type="image">
<img alt="" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" border="0" width="1" height="1">
</p></form>
Let me know if you have any trouble with any PayPal button.
*Update: Thanks to Rachel at A Southern Fairy Tale, here is another beautiful PayPal directly-linked button option. Thanks, Rachel!*
<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">
<p><input name="cmd" value="_s-xclick" type="hidden">
<input name="hosted_button_id" value="4598783" type="hidden">
<input
src="http://www.velveteenmind.com/small%20maddie%202.jpg"
name="submit" alt="Donate via PayPal to support Maddie's family"
border="0" type="image">
<img alt="" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" border="0" width="1" height="1">
</p></form>
***
In the meantime, visit the Mr Linky on A Mom Two Boys "For Maddie" page (Meghan set up the PayPal account and is managing family updates) and spend some time reading about Maddie and what she meant to so many that loved her, Heather, and more often than not how this has changed the way we see our own families today.
Heather and Mike, we love you. Damn it.
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Writer. Mother.
