NBC Nightly News emailed me the other day. Yeah, the one on TV. The one with Brian Williams. And, no, you smart-alecs, it was not a newsletter or some such spam. A real live NBC Nightly News staffer emailed me personally. For my opinion. Or, as I like to think of it when one of The Big Three calls me: my Oh-pin-eee-yawn. Okay, clearly I've been watching far too much The King of Queens, one of the few DVD sets we own while we have no cable.
Speaking of no cable, someone get that hooked up ASAP because I am going to be on TV!
I immediately pictured this:
Brian Williams: Tonight on NBC Nightly News, I fall in love with Megan Jordan and steal her away from Matt Lauer.
Let the Velveteen Mind love fest begin!
And may I say that it is about time that NBC noticed me? I've been writing about Matt Lauer ever since my guest post on Plain Jane Mom, My Label Maker is Broken This Week. In fact, it was that post that finally caught the attention of NBC News. You know, this NBC:
Brian Williams: So Barack, I'm thinking Megan's boobies would be about this big in person.
What is your opinion on that matter?
Barack Obama: You nasty, Brian.
The NBC News researcher found my "Label Maker" post while researching the topic of pollsters using labels such as "Soccer Mom" and "Security Mom" during this election. Not the first time I have been hit up for an interview based on that guest post, mind you. Naturally, I am the go-to blogger on the topic of politics.
Ahem.
Nevertheless, Erika Angulo had questions. 
On behalf of NBC. Which clearly means, on behalf of Matt Lauer.
Note to Erika, it's only going to get uglier from here. I'm about to massacre our interview, so you might want to go back to work for Brian Williams right about now. Tell him I said, "Holla!"
The brilliantly patient Erika, who had no idea of the long-winded answers she was about to receive, wanted to know if I felt labels such as "Wal-Mart Mom" are necessary to describe certain groups of voters. Additionally, what are the main issues for mothers during this election and do I feel that John McCain, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton are doing a satisfactory job of addressing those issues?
The Queen of Spain is now spitting out her coffee and yelling, "Why on earth would you ask Megan, of all people?!"
Shut up, Erin. I am wicked smaht.
In response to Erika's questions, clearly on behalf of Brian Williams himself, I expounded as such:
"I think that our current Presidential candidates are, in fact, too
concerned about what specific groups want to hear. Hence, the mad
grasping at labels so they can get a jump on what they expect to hear. So, do I think that they are doing a good job of addressing issues of mothers today? Yes, and I wish they'd stop.
Catering to our "interests" may be just what has helped to create
the entitlement society in which we are currently living, in my humble
opinion. (You are laughing, right?)"
I wasn't sure if I had answered her question, so I went on to further not answer her question 
by offering my opinions about how complex mothers are today (which I will illustrate with a photo of me standing in front of ABC Studios in New York, demonstrating my opinion of Good Morning America vs. The TODAY Show on NBC):
"Many of us are struggling with rather disparate opinions when it comes
to our current political environment. Not to mention the financial
environment. What we want and need for our families may be
contradictory at some point, so that leaves us grasping at three
tremulous candidates. All of which are walking on politically correct
eggshells and offering very little real hope.
Can you care about gas prices but also capitalism? Can you pay to
drive your kids to soccer practice, frowning at the havoc it is
wreaking on your budget, while you or your husband is earning the money
for that gas by working at "The Better Mousetrap Company"?"
I think at this point, Erika was saying to herself, "Did she just answer my question? Did she read my question? Does she think this is a blog post? She had better not try to turn this into a blog post."
She responded to my email with something along the lines of how my opinion was "refreshing," which I think means "completely irrelevant and uninformed" in reporter-speak. She then went on to ask my opinion of whether or not the government should pay for child care and if employers should implement mandatory work schedules to enforce a work-life balance for mothers.
Asking a stay-at-home mother about working mothers' rights is sort of like asking a frog if birds should be allowed to fly at night.
But I answered her anyway. I had to answer her, because I was picturing this:
Brian Williams to Brian Williams: I never knew such a brilliant mind existed out there. And to think I can read Velveteen Mind any time I want. Now, do I pronounce this political goddess's name "Meeegan" or "Meg-an"?
I would hate to deprive Brian Williams, and by extension Matt Lauer, of my profound opinions on things I have no business talking about... or pretty much thinking about ever.
So I responded to Erika's questions about working mothers' rights with something along the lines of, "Where does it end in regards to who picks up what part of the bill?" and "Exactly when did our responsibility to make well-informed choices as
parents end? When were we granted the freedom to stop making the hard
decisions, because I seem to have missed that memo?"
Oh yeah, and something very much like, "I don't want a SugarDaddy-in-Chief."
Then Erika emailed me back with something like, "Huh?"
And then she dropped the bomb on me:
"The story should be on msnbc.com this weekend."
What? I thought I was going to be on TV?! MSNBC dawt calm?!!! That's for losers that don't have cable!
Um, apparently while I was distractedly dazzled by the photo of Brian Williams at the top of the website she sent me to in her first email, I failed to notice she had sent me to the "web exclusive" section.
Note to NBC: your staffers should not be allowed to send interviewees to sites with photos of people that even know Matt Lauer if they are not, in fact, going to be seduced interviewed by said person and broadcast out for all the world to see on television... with flashing signs illuminating their cool blog's URL and such, too. FYI.
So, I remain this close to meeting Matt Lauer:
So close, yet so far away.
And the interview consigned to msnbc.com? It showed up on the front page that weekend, as promised, and lots and lots of people got to read all of my erudite opinions on political pollsters and the distinct lack of a need for a SugarDaddy-in-Chief.
Wait. Damn. No, they didn't. My bit was cut down to a couple of lame soundbites that Goose, my one year old, could have given. I have no idea why they cut out my comedy routine.
I'm here all week, folks.
PS- NBC the television network:
I am available to fly (at your cost) to New York and appear on the TODAY Show or NBC Nightly News or any of your other shows that are housed in the vicinity of Matt Lauer's dressing room any time. I even know where to find you, though a limo to Rockefeller Plaza would not be turned down.
PPS- I know I told you there was going to be some "tongue" involved in this post, but the photo of me, well, sort of licking Matt Lauer has been compromised. 
Don't be too disappointed, though, because his face may or may not have been made of cardboard.
PPPS- NBC also interviewed Erika Jurney from Plain Jane Mom for the same piece and she came off sounding smart. Whatever. When she starts seeing bumper stickers that say "SugarDaddy-in-Chief" she'll be jealous.
************
Related Posts:
What's Important This Election, Mom? by Erika Angulo on msnbc.com
Phrase Anatomy: Who will be the "Soccer Moms" of 2008 Campaign? by Jennifer A. Dlouhy, Hearst Newspapers
I Am Your Very Own Dichotomy.
Who's Afraid of the Queen of Spain?
My Label Maker is Broken This Week. guest post on Plain Jane Mom
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