Facebook is Giving Me an Identity Crisis

Have you ever felt an unexpected shift in the core of who you are?  You are trucking right along and suddenly realize that something has changed?

Imperceptible shifts in your course, happening over time, until you abruptly find yourself in a different place than you planned.  You find yourself a different person than you expected.

Perhaps this is simply growth.  Perhaps this is simply growing up.  Perhaps I'm simply losing my mind.

That last one was a joke.  But I bet you smiled, because I bet you've been there.

I posted a quote from Patton Oswalt on Twitter a while back, taken from Lewis Black's The Root of All Evil on Comedy Central, in which Oswalt said regarding blogging: 

"Bloggers are the root of all evil because they have reduced us to a first draft culture."

I thought that was actually funny (come on, it is!), but let me warn you, this is a first draft and one I plan to hit publish on as soon as I finish typing.  It's one of those things that we might all feel, but rarely take the time to explore, so before I shake it off, I'm going to put it out there. 

I blame this identity crisis on Facebook. 

 

 

Yes, I say that tongue-in-cheek, but on some level it is true.  Facebook has put me back in touch with high school and college friends I haven't heard about in years, laying all of their lives out in an orderly fashion, ripe for comparison.

Half of them have families and jobs and most of the same responsibilities that keep me from going out to a club every other night.  The other half seem to be living virtually the same lives we lived in school, only with legal ID's and fewer grades.

It brings up so many personal questions that I don't generally allow myself to consider.  Questions like, "Um, was it an option to keep partying?"

That is a simplification, but still.

For now, I'm just putting this feeling in front of you.  I'll write more about it later.  Later, being after I finish the relaunch of Blog Nosh Magazine, which is certainly artificially inflating my stress level and causing me to rub my own nerves raw.

But maybe it's also an opportunity to rattle those nerves a bit and see what shakes out.  What sparks to the surface. 

Want to frazzle some nerves with me?  Ask some questions like, "Do I still want to drop it like it's hot?" or "Is it still an option to shake it like a Polaroid picture?"

Hell, let's just listen to some music:

 

(feed readers, if you can't see the music player, you are so missing out!)

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Comments

[Missives From Suburbia]

Dude. You know I can't drink right now, because I'm knocked up. Why taunt me with drinking/making out comments on my blog like that? You're just cruel.

There is no question that partying for all eternity is an option. Just ask all the clowns at my 20-year reunion last year. It was like something out of Jerry Springer, because half of them are still dating each other, too. If anything, it made me realize my boring life is sooooo much less stressful.

[Megan {Velveteen Mind}]

Deb, I swear I wore a size 6 in college specifically because I was stressed over boys all the time. And I was drunk and dancing my ass off twice a week. Literally.

Then I met my husband and immediately gained 20 pounds.

I blame him.

Let's get divorces and be all hot again.

And stressed. And shallow. And aimless.

See my predicament?

Not that all singles are shallow. Oy. Must write about this more.

Let me know when you aren't pregnant anymore. We'll get wasted and hook up with strangers in the street of the French Quarter.

[Domestic Extraordinaire]

Gosh, I was going to start my comment off with Dude-but now I now I am starting it off with this-real classy.

I am so with you on the Facebook thing. While I know that most 31 year olds don't have a nearly 14 year old child, I was still surprised by the amount of people who don't have kids and still party. Altho lately there has been an explosion of babies. One thing I did find funny when we went to my 10 year reunion a couple of years back is how so many of the people still partied together. It ended up being a crazed drunken party for most of the people. The people that I still hang out with well, we hung out together and then left together to get a drink someplace a bit quieter.

Okay this comment got way longer than I thought....Sorry!

[Melizzard]

I'm completely with you. In fact a few days back I wrote a post on how Facebook and the high school connection was kind of stressing me out. http://www.melizzard.com/2008/09/this-one-time-a.html

I went through much the same thing that you are feeling now when I attending my 20 year reunion and found that 80% of the people there still hung out together. I was feeling all .. did you guys miss the memo about growing up and moving on?

[Jennifer H]

Partying costs more when you have to figure in the cost of a babysitter, which is kind of a bummer. (When I play poker, I have to figure that into whether it was a productive day, money-wise.)

Really, I'm just jealous of the ones who had the good sense to go to medical school or law school and now post their photos of their trips to Italy ("We just got back!") or the Caribbean ("We went twice this year!"). I've just decided not to like any of them.

Especially since they did all that, AND could afford to pay the babysitter.

[Stacey]

There are only 3 people I went to high school with on Facebook (grad 1985) and they are just there to keep an eye on their own kids. I'm thinking this is a good thing really. I don't know what anyone else is doing, no one knows what I doing. As it should be.

[Deb ont the Rocks]

This is a good question. I wonder if "mid-life" crises will start to look different because people have questioned their life choices more as we track the lives of others more closely through social media. In addition to knowing more about the very different life choices of my peer group, I now know about the life choices and lifestyles of so many people who are different from myself, and you can't help but question--what if I had more children, what if I adopted, what if I put my kid in boarding school and traveled alone, what if I homeschooled him on the road, what if I moved to (insert five different regions/cities/countries)?

I don't know, but crisis or not, I know I love it.

[WhenSheWorePonytails]

Hehe. This happened to me with Myspace. I'm too scared to jump into Facebook because of it. Also, I see some of my high school frienemies at my children's elementary school in the morning. Makes me want to pop Appetite for Destruction into the CD deck of my mini van and rawk out the way only an old mama with a mini van can.

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Hell no I've never felt an unexpected shift in the core of who I am. Don't you know that I'm eff'ing perfect?

Booyah.

[Joanna]

Thank you for this post! I can relate. And as for the song, I totally just danced around my living room. You've made my day brighter!

[blogversary]

First, good luck on the relaunch.

Second, Facebook/Myspace. That awkward party you never really want to attend in "real life" because I don't want my grad school professor to meet and chill w/ that person who saw me that one night in college after I did that one crazy thing.

Then. Then! There is the whole thing w/ people I knew in HS not confirming me as a friend. As if we were still in HS? This has only happened two times. Only a little ego crushing.

But, yea partying past 30 at times crosses the line of some derogatory term I will not say, but there was only a short period in my life when a couch on the front porch was acceptable.

Facebook = couch on the front porch to some.

[laura Lee]

oh my gosh... so true. with a few "add a friends" and BAM... right back there. loved your blog!
laura

[Angella]

I am all for a glass (or two!) of wine or a cocktail. "Partying" at my age would kill me. I have a sister who is two years younger than me and is hungover at LEAST twice a month. All I can think is, "Seriously?"

We've got the good life, friend :)

[Front Porch Legacy]

Hey Ya! 2003...living on Capitol Hill (Washington DC) where your leaders do nothing BUT party!

[Mommie Blogs]

so funny - recently set up a facebook account and am floored by all these old friends contacting me.

[Anissa@Hope4Peyton]

I have a feeling that if I tried to shake it like a polaroid picture I'd throw my hip out and I don't think any of us need that. *sigh*

[Headless Mom]

I'm with Stacey. Oh, and that whole anonymous blog thing...kinda kills the whole "reconnecting" thing, too.

[Wendy]

I notice everyone's commenting about Facebook but I'm still stuck on that quote about first drafts in blogging. Ouch, yes (raises her hand), that might be me. I hate revising.

[tara]

I read this whole post overwhelmed by a familiar feeling.

But with a smile on my face.
In my case, most of my friends, even the wildest ones (and I must say I may have been one of those!) stopped partying.
So at least I don't feel too old and boring ;)

I love facebook for it's some sort of reality check to me.
I reconnected with long lost friends, their lives have changed just like mines.
We found ourselves saying: "that's sooo out of character for you!" and "wow, I can't believe now you are doing this or that".
I am not sure how to explain it, but seeing how other people's lives moved on as well, how other people have changed too, reminded me that the world really doesn't revolve around me :)

Not that I thought it did...but I hope you know what I mean!

[Krista]

And then you go to your high school reunion and realize that those people who are still "partying" have in fact never really grown up. They are still as immature and obnoxious as they were in high school. They are not contributing members of society (unless supporting the Coors and Budweiser companies counts as helping the economy).
And I wonder if down deep a part of them doesn't wish that they were making smarter choices. To have something or someone outside themselves to put their energy into?

Which isn't to say that a few of them have actually done some very cool things with their lives. But for the most part those are the people who don't have families, and for me, I'm glad I have a family rather than go traipsing off all around the world alone.

[Ashley]

Hi there,
I sent you an email regarding your BlogHer ads. Would you email me at this address? Thanks!

[jennydecki]

It is ALWAYS an option to shake it...shake it shake it...shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Oh yes, it is.

So...lend me some sugar...I AM your neighbor!

[thatgirlblogs]

Here's the funny 'bout facebook: the cheerleaders and popular guys all still know each other (whaaaa?) and they all request/accept friend requests, although we weren't friends in high school.

All of it is just so gratifying.