Stop your Jedi Mind Tricks, Angelina Jolie!

Waves of nausea crashing over me for no apparent reason does not lend itself to a peaceful night's sleep.  Those same waves reappearing the next day and knocking me on my butt, again, for no apparent reason, have solidified one resolve in my mind:

I would be crazy to have any more babies.

Babies on the brain lately.  Time to issue an eviction notice.

It seems like everyone is pregnant right now.  I don't want to count myself among them.  However... 

We have two awesome baby boys.  As a kid with only one other sibling, I've never really considered having more than two kids.  Two seemed sufficient.  My husband was an only child, so he figures we've already achieved something remarkable.  Three kids would be crazy.  Any more than that would be insane.

Yet, I see these pregnant chicks everywhere and I start thinking...   completely crazy thoughts.

I love being pregnant.  During the second and third trimesters only.  I abhor being pregnant during the first trimester.  Loathe it. 

I had vicious morning sickness with both my babies (though not like moosh) and was unpleasantly surprised to discover that said morning sickness with the second baby was accompanied by simultaneous utterly uncontrollable peeing in my pants every time I worshiped at the porcelain god.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously?

So, yeah, uh, I'll pass on the being pregnant again.

And then I see a picture like this:

Photo Source  --  a terribly addictive site!

Granted, Angelina Jolie did not give birth to all of those babies, but still.  Doesn't this picture just kill you?  Doesn't it look so, I don't know, manageable?*

The worst part is that the giving birth bit is a breeze for me.  Well, if you consider absolutely tearing up your vuh-jay-jay every time a breeze.  Oh yeah, and wracking pain so fierce that you look like you've been possessed by a demon with epilepsy.  But back to the breeziness...

I was in labor with Pants for just a few hours.  Real labor.  I pushed for maybe ten minutes or something.  Breeze.

I pushed once with Goose and he came flying out in one wickedly awesome shot, head to toes, kabam!  Booyah-  you have yourself a baby rocket!  The doctor literally caught him in mid-air as he was sitting down.  Had the doctor not been sitting down at that moment, I think the receptionist might have caught him whizzing over her head down the hallway as she answered phones.

The doctor didn't even charge me for the delivery.  He said, "All I did was catch."

Oh yes, I can deliver them babies.

But I just don't think I can deal with that first trimester again.

Then I read about the moms who are having trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant and I think, "Am I refusing a gift here?"

I really am wondering that.

On the flip side, I adore my two boys and fear rolling the dice again.  So many things can go wrong.  What if I whip out an ugly little dullard this time? 

Yes, I'm that shallow when pretend-baby-shopping.  What?  Did you think I was worried about genetic defects?  No, I'm worried about the entertainment factor.

And then there's The Roller Coaster Factor.  The Gulf Coast Momfia have been schooled in this one by me already, but I will cover it again for you newcomers:

You can not stop at three kids.  If you do, one kid will always have to either ride in the roller coaster car by himself, with Mom or Dad, or with a stranger. 

The horror.

Therefore, you have to have even numbers.  Sorry, Fussy.  That means you have to have one more after this new one.  That would make six.  All boys, no doubt.  Because God laughs.  Good luck, babe.

Which means if I want to have another, I would either have to have twins or withstand two more first trimesters.

You see my conundrum now?

But then I look at pictures like this:

Photo Source - BTW, these were taken in New Orleans in our old neighborhood.

And I think, well...

Help me, people.  Angelina Jolie has hijacked my brain. 

*Please note that I am well aware that she probably has more nanny help than you can shake a stick out, however, I also know that lots of moms manage with beautiful broods of this size without nannies.  I just like these pictures.  A girl can dream in her fairy tale world.

**PS-  I am neither sick nor pregnant.  Just tired for a day there.

...........................

Please share this post on or so others can find us, too.

New Here?  Subscribe to Velveteen Mind or have it delivered via email.

Comments

[In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

C'mon, GO FOR IT! (says the mother of 3 boyz...)

[Annie]

Just slap those magic sea bands on and you'll be grand.

Besides, the best designers tell you that odd numbers are the most aesthetically pleasing - so if that's all that's holding you back...

Something tells me that any offspring of yours would be just fine chatting it up with someone unrelated on the roller coaster :)

[Mama Zen]

Not having any more. Not gonna happen. But, I am really good at birthin' babies . . .

[Lilacspecs]

sigh....I'll tell you what, I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and it cause very fast weight gain whie also making losing weight very difficult. The more weight you gain the more chance you have at getting type 2 diabetes or becoming infertile so I'm horrified and trying to knock off about 40 pounds before I ask my boyfriend if we can start trying to conceive. I'm 26 and all I want is at least one child in our lives before I'm 30. And I'm really scared that when we start trying we'll find out that we can't, all because I haven't lost enough weight.
I'm not saying much here besides this; whether you have one child or five, you're lucky. I hope down deep in my heart that one day I'll be able to write a birth story or a nursing story or post pictures of my child or children for people to see.

So either way, you are blessed for what you have. If you want another one, well here's hoping you have fun making it!

Hehe.

[Mrs. Mustard]

Hmm...I'm not sold on the even numbers thing. We are going for 3 kids because I want more than 2, but I refuse to be forced to buy a minivan. I can cram 3 kids in my Prius - I hear Julia Roberts does it all the time. Right?!?!

[Tara R.]

Just one more reason to rejoice in my 40-something status... I have outgrown the baby making calling... but, like you I did enjoy being pregnant, but gladly stopped at two.

[Krista]

You forgot Mrs. Chicken in your list... ;)
I have one. I do want another. At one time I thought I wanted four... now after the one (and a horrible birth, which I will have to write about sometime) I'm not sure I want to have more than 2. I'm one of 2 and we don't get along so I always wanted another sibling. Then again, I only have 2 hands. And there are only 2 of us parents. And we want to travel and the more kids the more confusing/expensive that is.
Ay. As you can see, I'm no help at all!

[karla ~ looking towards heaven]

If she has it all so "managed", why is she out and about in her night gown??!!?

(I suffer from moments like what you are speaking... but 4 is enough for me... I think...)

xo ~K

[andi]

I have moments like this. I too am all about the even numbers, though and there is no freaking way I'm popping out four! I do worry about having an "odd man out" with three kids. Plus, the two I have are so lovely, I'd be afraid I was tempting fate by having a third and possibly risk birthing a devil spawn.

Oh, and I think you're right - I do think that motherly glow that Angelina is totally rocking is only possible with an insane amount of money and a full child-rearing staff.

[Velveteen Mind Megan]

Trenches, you are not helping. At all.

Annie, you crack me up. Would you believe that I actually considered the whole "always design in odd numbers" scenario. Ditto sisters!

MamaZen, we just keep changing that mantra, just keep chanting... And not think about how much fun those birth days are.

Lilacspecs, this is what I'm saying. I feel like if I can, then it is a blessing I should not refuse. Damn.

Mrs. Mustard, you have a good point. We ride in our car much more than we ride in roller coasters. Which, now that I think of it, is a crying shame.

[Velveteen Mind Megan]

Tara, do you ever wonder about those babies that you might have had? That's how I think I'll feel. I'm already wondering, clearly.

Krista, you brought up another thing that I've wondered about: sibling rivalry. Which, again, seems to call for even numbers. At 3, one will always get teamed up on! Grrr, rolling the dice is scary.

Karla, "4 is enough for me"??? Yeah, I think so. You would be one of those crazy Angelina Jolie women with the beautiful broods I speak of. And what do you want to bet that her "nightgown" cost more than our cars? Damn movie stars.

Andi, tempting fate is not something I'm up for anymore, either. But then, what if you had thought, "Well, Elliot is so perfect, I should stop while I'm ahead." See? What's to say that the third one won't be even better? You were no help. ;)

[andi]

Surprisingly, we did fear having the second one for that very reason, but we wanted Elliot to have a sibling.

And now you've gone and debunked my impeccable logic. Damn it, woman! You just got out of hiding and now you're having me consider something crazy. I will not let you win. ;) Must think about hellish first few months with newborn...

[Tara R.]

I have wondered. At the beginning, I thought I would liked to have had a third child, but hindsight is wonderful. A third child would have been financially difficult, and because of medical problems we've had with our second child, a third may have been unintentionally ignored. Two children were a blessing, three maybe not.

Now, I look forward to eventually having babies in my home again - grandchildren that I can spoil rotten.

[Christine]

Pregnancy didn't agree with me at all...horrible morning sickness until week seventeen (the waking in the middle of the night and running to the bathroom to puke type of "morning" sickness).

Then with both of my pregnancies that made it to term, I ended up with bizarre conditions...PUPPP with my son, and Erythema Nodosum with my daughter. I know, I'd never heard of them before I had them, either...suffice it to say they were no fun.

Thankfully, I have the three kids I'd wanted, because I have a daughter from my husband's first marriage. In fact, today she turns twenty-one...can it be?

[Alli- Mrs. Fussypants]

Hubs evens it out to make 6 boys! ;)

[HRH]

Go for it...one more boy. Everyone is doing it. Odd numbers are more pleasing to the eye. You decorate in odds. I have boys in odds. Then I am at odds with the boys....Oooops. I wasn't going to mention the chaos.

[Suburban Oblivion]

I am generally of the notion that most of us should have been made to pass a lengthy exam before being granted fertility, but you my dear are a natural. Go for two more :)

[moosh in indy.]

One is an accessory.
Two is a lifestyle.
Three is your life
and four?
I dunno.
I only have one.
Heh.
Wishing your uterus the proper decision.

[Secret Agent Mama]

Yes, I agree with the even numbers. That said, I'm DONE!!

Go for it, first trimester or not!

[Colleen]

It seems I'm in the same boat lately! (Both with already having 2 boys and with the inklings of thoughts of another.)

Think of it this way - maybe one of them won't like rollercoasters at all. Throws THAT logic right out the window, don't it? And once you have two kids (esp. boys) like heck if you're going to have any knickknacks sitting around - in odd numbers or otherwise!

[Rebecca]

I found you through the Birth Story Carnival.

I hear you about the baby thing. And we don't have any. And don't plan to. But then I see pictures like *those*...

[Memarie Lane]

It's stuff like that that got me in the position I'm in... expecting #3. I was happy with 1!

[tiff]

I've had six and I have 2 foster boys. Three is definitely do - able but once there are three it's a whole new ballgame.
Me? I'd have more in a second. My uterus and my doctor disaggrees

[Queen of Shake Shake]

I do love simplicity. If you want more, have more. If you don't, don't. Roller coasters and hotel rooms don't even register on the radar if you want more kids to love.